10 Biggest WWE WTF Moments Of 2017

Some bits good some bad

Booker T brought shame to words

Happy Rusev Day!

That is my review of WWE's 2017 in the form of a haiku.

I'm not going to mess about, we all know why we're here. But before we do get cracking with the knacking, here is a long old list of honourable mentions because there is nothing that ruins my day more sickeningly than one of you lovely people pointing out the fact I haven't mentioned something when I should have. "Oh aye," I'll say to myself. "I probably should have mentioned that. Am I worth the skin I'm currently living in anymore? Should I just end it all now?"

Yes, that's a process that happens... think about that next time you @ me, bros.

So in no particular order, here's a comprehensive splurge of honourable mentions to get your flaming chops around:

The Great Khali returns to help Jinder Mahal conquer the Punjabi Prison, The New Day/Usos' rap battle, the first-ever Women's Royal Rumble is announced, the wrong Samoan Joe enters the Rumble at number 30, the fact that Great Balls Of Fire was actually a PPV name, Bray Wyatt wins the WWE Championship, Braun Strowman pushes over an ambulance, the cancelled Pumpkin Man vs. Sister Abigail match, Alexa Bliss' 'rubber' arm at GBOF, Kurt Angle wrestles twice despite Vince McMahon's heavily reported fears, Kurt Angle looking like the happiest dad EVER to win a father son fancy dress competition at TLC, Roddy Strong dresses as a Teenage Mutant Author Of Pain, AJ Styles wins the US Title at MSG house show, Randy Orton's massive sperm entrance companion at 'Mania, Bray Wyatt's Windows Movie Maker efforts on the ring canvas at 'Mania, Jim Cornette back on WWE TV at the Hall of Fame, Bayley's 'This Is Your Life' segment, Roman Reigns attempts murder on Strowman, Reigns' promo of the year on the Raw after 'Mania, everything associated with the House of Horrors match, Baron Corbin tries to muder Dean Ambrose with a forklift, Dolph Ziggler kicks Jerry Lawler in the heart, the Festival of Friendship heel turn, 16-year-old Kevin Owens' bedroom, Mickie James revealed as Lucha Dora, Shane's head going through a car window and the subsequent 'Fake Taxi' camera shot in the back seat, the brilliance of Southpaw Regional Wrestling, Seth Rollins not using his flaming stick in a match against Triple H at 'Mania that had "no rules", WWE tech guy looking at pictures of hands all year long, everything Booker T said, Booker T clearly checking out Alexa Bliss' rear end on Raw, Charlotte's PPV winning streak wasted on Fastlane, WarGames returns, the security guard who sold a Braun Strowman clubbing blow to the back by jumping up and over the top rope, SHARK CAGES BUY OUR SHARK CAGES, Jinder Mahal's blatant racisim towards Shinsuke Nakamura, Goldberg wins the Universal Championship at 50, Orton winning the Rumble feeling like a good thing even though it only felt that way because of the threat posed by another Reigns win, Cena proposes to Nikki at 'Mania, people booing Cena proposing to Nikki at 'Mania, WWE debuting two identical women's factions at the same time on different brands and thinking nobody would notice, one F-5 defeats Braun Strowman at No Mercy, and a partridge in a pear tree. 

Phwoah.

Let's crack on with the MAIN EVENT, OF THE EVENING - or morning, or afternoon depending on when you're reading this...

10. James Ellsworth - Who Is A Man BTW - Becomes The First Ever Miss Money In The Bank

If we were producing a video series called 'Things WWE Want You To Forget About ____' and did a special on Money In The Bank 2017, this moment would be at the top of the pile. How do we know WWE wants us to forget this horrendous error in booking judgement? Well because they hastily redid the match on a subsequent episode of SmackDown Live with Princess of Staten Island Carmella coming out on top once again.

Why didn't they just do it properly the first time around?

What a mess WWE made here. This was supposed to be another groundbreaking night as the Women's Revolution rolled on. This was supposed to be a night that the second generation Superstars in the match stepped out of the heavy shadows of their more famous relatives. This was supposed to be the night where the women of WWE proved they can do everything the men can, and more.

However, with Carmella incapacitated on the mat below, a man had to win the match for her. The image of James Ellsworth - a MAN with a fully functioning set of testicles - condescendingly dropping the briefcase to a stricken Princess was all kinds of wrong and sent out the wrong message in the first ever Women's MITB Ladder Match.

Forget the storyline implications that might have been on the table here, whenever we look back at the moment the first-ever women's MITB contract was won we'll see a man winning it - or we should, but there's no doubt WWE will bet on us forgetting this ever happened (like we always do because we're stupid lol not really) and try to pass off the second version as the original.

I'm sure we all would have accepted Ellsworth knocking Becky Lynch off the ladder, leaving a clear path for Carmella to win the match for herself. But the image of a bloke getting the briefcase because his lady friend wasn't able to is just wrong. There's no other way of painting it. This wasn't a heel winning via underhanded shenanigans. This was a man doing a job the lady couldn't at the time.

9. He's Got A Golden Shovel!

Come on, sing it with me like you're Charlie on the way to the chocolate factory! Triple H has found his special golden shovel and is doing things that make absolutely no sense!

Shovels for days, m8.

Why did this happen the way it did? I'm hoping - just for our sanity more than anything else - that the end of the traditional men's five-on-five elimination match at last year's Survivor Series saw the seeds being sewn for a potential Kurt Angle vs. Triple H match at WrestleMania. This isn't because I'm gagging to see those two serial DADS have one more match, it's just because I find it absolutely staggering that WWE haven't referenced the sheer WTFery of this moment since the Raw after SS. Like, not one mention at all. It's unbelievable that as we sit here today, the only apparent reason for that horrid finish is for the absolute sh*ts and giggles of it all.

This moment also confirmed that Triple H is like Robin Williams in Mrs Doubtfire. While he has his NXT suit on, he's a wonderful carer - a really nice dad. But when he gets into the ring on the main roster, he's a terrible father and a proper seedy bloke (that analogy may not have worked as it's been roughly 16 years since I've seen Mrs Doubtfire, but you know what I mean).

The Game has the reputation of being the Alan Titchmarsh of professional wrestling for good reason. At the height of his career, Hunter would bury more people in a calendar year than your gran's fantasy would bury tulips and the end of the elimination match fed right into that character. He buried Kurt Angle, buried Shane McMahon - making for an awkward Christmas dinner in the process - and then made Braun Strowman look silly. Nobody benefited from this at all so why did it happen? It looks like we'll be asking ourselves that question until the day we die unless they start referencing it sooner rather than later.

8. Randy Orton Commits Desecration Of A Grave, Arson, And Potentially Murder - But LOL!

Right, let's set the scene for this unprecedented debauchery.

Bray Wyatt's all like "howay Randy, m8, come and join my clan?"

Randy Orton's like "no m8, I'm going to burn your shed house with a spirit living inside down instead."

Randy goes round to the shed house with a camera crew to DOCUMENT PRETTY SERIOUS CRIMES let us not forget, and does them.

These crimes are then shown around the world with no ramifications. How? There's also a chance RKO did more than initially meets the eye as he appears to lock one of his unsuspecting cameramen in the shed house before dousing the door in more petrol and burning him alive - that's MURDER, in my book, why isn't it in WWE's? Damn logic getting in the way of storylines!

After all of this, Randy Orton is still considered the babyface in this tale because... because... reasons!

And then we have then more contextual WTF Moments surrounding this whole situation. Back in February when this took place, Randy Orton decided that despite winning the Royal Rumble he didn't fancy the main event match at WrestleMania. Because of this, AJ Styles earned the right to call himself the new number one contender AND THEN, Randy turned on Bray and fancied the WWE Championship match again all of a sudden. Why didn't he just keep his Rumble win priveledges when he was intending to turn on his 'master' all along, instead of making his Road To WrestleMania roughly 12X harder than it needed to be.

Then we have the fact that this most drastic of measures from Randall came from absolutely nowhere - no real build or anything. Normally, this is the kind of angle that leads to the blow-off match in a feud, not merely planting the seeds. It just seemed rather premature and a bit too drastic, you know?

And then we have the fact that massive scary cult leader Bray Wyatt was reduced to crying like a small child in front of the entire world. How are we supposed to accept this man as a serious threat when something that is so clearly make-believe is reducing him to tears and temper tantrums? Sadistic cult leaders with mystical powers shouldn't have emotions like this - although there's nothing wrong with crying for moments that actually warrant a tear or two I should add before you all label me out of touch.

7. Braun Strowman Is Murdered, Lives Inside A Garbage Truck - That Just Happened To Drive From TLC To A Subsequent Raw - For Eight Days, AND His Clothes Are Still Completely Clean...

Need I say much more here?

Now I must concede that my old man is anything but a dustman, but I think I'm safe in saying that when anything is put into the arse-end of a garbage truck it is crushed and compacted so there's room for an entire town's waste - even if a massive sweaty man is the thing being thrown in there.

Braun Strowman was crushed to death on a wrestling show at the hands of other wrestlers while the entire world watched. Were the culprits reprimanded? Were they heck! It's a wonder the minds of impressionable children the world over aren't absolutely bamboozled by what they see on WWE's shows. Look at instances like this one, Roman Reigns crashing into an ambulance while Braun was inside, and Dean Ambrose being crushed by Baron Corbin's forklift - how aren't WWE influencing a generation or two of 'wronguns' by allowing their Superstars get away with such severe crimes?

'Murder's fine as long as you've got muscles, lol!'

Despite being crushed to death, Braun Strowman lived and survived in the garbage truck for eight days, presumably surviving off sustenance that came in the form of rotten banana peels and dirty nappies. He also somehow managed to get crushed in a garbage truck that drove from the Target Center in Minneapolis, Minnesota (where the TLC PPV was) all the way to the Royal Farms Arena in Baltimore, Maryland...

WHAT ARE THE CHANCES?!

And then we have the smaller matter of Braun presumably having a laundrette in his garbage truck or the people of Minnesota having the cleanest rubbish on the entire planet. How didn't he have any dirt on him whatsoever?!

6. Sami Saves Kevin

One innocuous backstage segment that left The Underdog From The Underground with a face like a slapped arse is all it took for Sami Zayn to forget three years of on and off feuding with his former best friend, Kevin Owens. I know Shane McMahon has morphed into the male version of his sister over the past year, but I didn't realise he was that unlikeable...

Due to the smallest of seeds being sewn for this turn, and the fact Sami was still sour towards Owens on a preceding SmackDown Live, I think it's fair to say nobody saw this coming which is no small feat when you consider we live in an age where we largely see every single turn coming a mile off. On top of that, so many times during the course of a WWE year you could take the names of two Superstars embroiled in a feud, sub them out for another two, and you'll realise all four are fighting over the same things. Sami's big moment was a turnabout plucked from outside WWE's box, our box, ALL OF THE BOXES and it was absolutely fantastic. The ones you don't see coming are always the best WTF Moments, aren't they?

I still can't get over how fantastic the timing displayed in this moment is either - so much so that its perfection must be recognised as a WTF Moment of its own. If Sami takes Kev off that announce table a third of a second later, Shane McMahon lands on The Prizefighter's head. Shane McMahon's spine turns into a Flump, Kevin Owens' body would have been sent through the floor as if he were a mole on a Whac-A-Mole table under siege from a rampant toddler.

While we're here I'd also like to pay homage to Sami's heel work since Hell In A Cell. I'm sure if we all pondered the thought of that human embodiment of purity and unicorns turning heel we would have laughed. But he's brilliant. The movements, his facials, the fact WWE kept his original entrance theme - it all just works so much better than I'm sure we all could have anticipated.

Sami Zayn is a bastard and a very good one at that.

5. The Hardy Boyz Return And Win Raw Tag Team Championships At WrestleMania 33

OOOOOOOOOOO AHHHHHHHHH OOOOOOOOOOOO sorry I've still got Woken Matt on the brain following that stream...

Matt and Jeff Hardy are entering middle age 'I better buy a convertible and a leather jacket just to prove I'm still down with the kids' territory. If you know what they did last WrestleMania weekend, I bet you find this rather staggering.

Twenty-four hours before their surprise return on the Grandest Stage of Them All, M & J quite literally murdered themselves in a death-defying Ladder Match against the Bucks of Youth at ROH Supercard Of Honor XI. The fact Team Extreme were able to come through that demolition derby and then compete in a second demolition derby a day later after competing in several hundred demolition derbies over the past two decades, quite frankly, means I don't know whether to crap or wind my watch. They're medical marvels, or ghosts...

I guess this is a WTF Moment you have to see and feel for yourselves as the drivel I type here can't do it justice. Everyone loves a big return, and this one was Daddy V-sized. Being inside Camping World Stadium at the time resulted in having to purchase hearing aids for the remainder of our trip over there, which tells you just how manic it was.

So the return was great, the match was great, and they won. Lovely, lovely, lovely - everything is shipshape and spunky here!

4. Kurt Angle Finds A New Son

AND NO (!!!) this isn't a WTF Moment because Kurt Angle is white and Jason Jordan is not. TOO MANY people tweeted me in bewilderment asking how this is possible - it's quite obvious that Kurt Angle's partner in producing Jordan is black. I still don't understand how this was such a hard concept for some to understand.

It's the four Is: Intensity. Integrity. Intelligence. Interacial.

While Kurt Angle won Olympic gold with a broken freakin' neck. It appears that he had intercourse with a broken freakin' condom at one point as well.

The WTF Moment surrounding this announcement begins in the build up. Kurt Angle kept on saying that whatever the massive secret was that it could end both his career and family life? How so? We're all careless when we're younger, it's not as if he cheated on his current partner while producing Jordan way back when. And also, if I was Jason Jordan's father I'd be proud as punch. While my left arsecheek has more charisma, he's a fantastic athlete, a great wrestler, a good looking son of a gun, and most importantly here, worked for WWE for five years without having to rely on a famous relative. It could have been a lot worse. It could have been revealed that Enzo Amore was Kurt's son... imagine calling that thing your pride and joy.

All the bloody credit in the world to Kurt Angle mind. He's putting believable performances into an angle (werp) absolutely nobody's given a chance. He's put a modicum of believability into what was a pretty farfetched attempt to get a pretender over. Good on him.

3. Kevin Owens KOs Vince McMahon

Vince McMahon was 72 years old when this happened. Vince McMahon reportedly bladed backstage before this segment, put some 'fake skin' on top of the wound so it would bleed all over at the slightest contact. Vince McMahon took a full-on headbutt from an absolute nutter - come on, just look at some of the ridiculous things Kevin Steen did before he became Kevin Owens - AND had a 266-pound man Frog Splash all over his sorry ass.

Vince McMahon isn't all there.

What takes this WTF Moment to the next level isn't Vince's age or the blood he bled, it's the climate in which his WWE operates in today. We all know what a delicate subjects concussions are these days as we continue to learn more about them yet Vince took a stiff blow to the head without protection. Surely that's a massive no no for the head of a publically traded company? If not, then surely it was a massive risk at the very least. And then we have that lawsuit with a number of his former Superstars which I have no doubt you have all read and know about - seeing Vince do this must have been a massive old 'f**k you' to those involved.

But hey, it was an awesome moment that Kevin Owens will be able to dine out on for the rest of his life. Credit to Vince for going above and beyond when he didn't have to. He's the billionaire boss who could just sit on his arse backstage if he wanted to yet he's out there doing things like this. It's commendable. Absolutely crackers but commendable all the same.

2. Jinder Mahal Wins The WWE Championship

Please don't mistake this entry as me having a go at WWE for making Jinder Mahal WWE Champion. I'm not. It was something different, we were all just scared to try it on for size - and with good reason looking at how the run went.

The relationship Jinder had struck up with The Singh Brothers by this point was a throwback and just worked, while title didn't look out of place while it was around the waist of the Modern Day Maharaja. The bloke looks like and dresses like a champ should, there's no denying that.

I'm making this the second biggest WTF Moment of the year because of the journey Jinder went on to get to the top of the mountain. Rather than climbing it by foot like most do, he had a massive rocket strapped to his back - he was rocket-strapped, if you will, Edge and Christian's Pod Of Awesomeness fans.

3MB - released - indies - slight gainz - rehired - jobber - brief time teaming with my bae and spirit animal, RuRu - MASSIVE GAINZ - last out in the Andre Rumble at 'Mania 33 - number one contender's match win outta nowhere - WWE Champion.

It was very quick indeed.

Not only that, Jinder toppled Randy The Great Ones Make It Look So Easy Orton - that is his full name, right? - in Chicago of all places. Chicago, of course, is just one of those wrestling hotbeds that gets very angry when they see graps they don't consider to be good so it was a ballsy move from WWE to put the strappington on Mahal here.

Jinder Mahal held the WWE Championship for 170 days. Imagine saying that at the start of 2017...

1. The Undertaker Retires

Or has he? Those rumours about a comeback match refuse to go away. I personally hope he doesn't return just because the sendoff at 'Mania 33 was so perfect. It's a goodbye that would be incredibly hard to top and if we're honest, a comeback would feel like a bit of a slap in the face to all us fans. I miss Taker just as much as the next person, but that retirement just felt right by the time... September rolled around. It didn't sink in on the night for me, as I'm sure it didn't for many of you either.

I know it seemed inevitable that Taker would be hanging up his boots sooner rather than later as we entered 2017. It was clear for all to see that he'd lost a step or two in the previous couple of years, while I think we all resigned to the fact the goodbye was here when the match with Roman Reigns was made the main event and Jim Ross came out to call the action. I still can't believe it happened... I'm off to cry myself to sleep AGAIN.

A 27-year dynasty over. The single greatest WWE run of all time comes to an end. Maybe...