Somebody needs to tell WWE there has been a catastrophic mix-up, the likes of which haven’t been seen since Woolworths closed down – I believe I’ve just alienated the entirety of the United States Of America, so for that, I apologise.
I’ve never been backstage at a WWE show, but I imagine that when the Superstars arrive, they all dump their gear in their respective locker rooms, grab a bite to eat from catering before heading to a small room where all of the scripts for the night’s show are housed. I mean, this probably doesn’t happen, but it makes complete sense to me so shut up right?!
Anyway, somehow, someway, Kevin Owens and Roman Reigns have picked up each others’ scripts on Monday nights. I don’t know whether Kevin Owens saw “Big Dog” written on a sheet and thought “OMG hot dogs” and picked it up, or whether Roman was told to put his blue contacts back in and temporarily blinded himself, meaning he got his big paws on the wrong sheets – but something’s gone wrong here when we look at the trajectory each man has taken on Monday nights in recent times.
Let’s start with The Big Dog, who has been playing the part of a petulant child for way too long now. It all started three years… I can’t be arsed to go that far back. Let’s just deal with this year and WrestleMania 34. Roman earned his spot at ‘Mania this year, so fair play to him on that one as he came through an Elimination Chamber match that for all the world looked like Braun Strowman was going to romp home in without breaking a sweat. Roman then lost at WrestleMania in a match that seemingly had its finished published before the event even started – Brock was leaving, finally, and after Seth Rollins ruined his ‘Mania 31 party, this was the night Roman was going to be crowned our master, ruler and daddy incarnate.
Onto the Greatest Royal Rumble we went, and despite seemingly pissing his opportunity at Lesnar’s Universal title away, Roman was handed yet another chance at winning it – tough times being at the top of the card when you shouldn’t really have been there, ey Big Dog? Once more, Roman lost, and he’s lied about it ever since! For the love of all that’s holy, we all saw that your leg was on the ring skirting and Brock rolled off the cage wall before you moved it, didn’t we Roman? Yes, yes we did, Roman. MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE PLEASE! Stop saying you’re the uncrowned Universal Champion when there’s video evidence proving you’re not!
For the record, I liked it when Roman was moaning about Brock not being at work while he was toiling away every week in his absence – it made sense, fans empathised with a large canine they still loathed. Then, he missed a week and started to hammer home the wrong gripe (the gripe outlined in the paragraph above) and OH MY GOD CAN YOU CHANGE THE RECORD, SON?!
Now then, Kevin Owens has been a whining, chicken sh*t heel ever since we met him back in 2014. Despite arriving in WWE with ‘Fight Owens Fight’ very much being his mantra, and despite wearing a shirt that has ‘Fight Anyone’ blazoned across it today, when push has come to shove, he’s done anything but. In this era where the concepts of heel and face are absolutely dead and buried, Owens has fit the description of the former better than anyone – don’t you tell me the likes of Roman and Jinder Mahal have been better. Kev’s been classed as a heel for all the right reasons. The only thing is, the fact that he’s so damn entertaining and clearly displays how little he cares about being hated by the fans means you can’t help but love the man. It’s such a vicious circle.
The point I’m making here is that if you gave Kevin Owens the whining Roman Reigns scripts from the past few months, it would have furthered KO’s cause tenfold. It’s what he should be doing. Instead however, WWE, while trying to tell us one story, have told us something completely different when it comes to The Prizefighter.
Over the past few months, WWE have painted Kevin Owens to be the biggest sympathetic babyface we’ve seen since Daniel Bryan in early 2014. Over the last year, he’s had Shane McMahon screw him out of a United States Championship, AND A JOB; he’s seen his best friend go down with an injury that will keep him out until next year at the earliest, he’s been the subject of attempted murder at Money in the Bank, he’s had his rental car flipped over for no apparent reason AND had the acting authority figure on Raw laugh about it. He’s been covered in crap in a portable toilet, and… phwoah, I just don’t know. I’m sure there’s more, but that’s one devastating list I’ve just typed out there without doing any kind of research. Somehow, and I’m certain they didn’t mean to do this, WWE have made you feel so, so sorry for one of their biggest heels and I don’t know why?!
This is all especially perplexing to me because for the longest time, WWE tried to paint the tall, jacked, bronzed, tattooed, rich, dreamboat known as Roman Reigns as the sympathetic babyface and failed miserably. I’ve said it a million times, but how’s a fat bastard with low self-esteem like me supposed to feel any kind of sympathy for a man that has everything (EVERYTHING) like Roman Reigns. Talk about misjudged, WWE…
Imagine if WWE had Braun Strowman bully Roman Reigns like they’ve had The Monster Among Men torment Owens in recent times. Sure, that section of the audience would revel in it because Reigns would be suffering, but I’m sure that for the wider audience, it would paint the former WWE World Heavyweight Champion as a more sympathetic babyface than anything they’ve tried thus far.
It’s all just so strange to me. Here we have two Superstars who two clear goals in terms of their character, yet WWE have seemingly given each of their scripts to the wrong man for months now. It’s all just so confusing and now I need to sit down… I hope this all sorts itself out in the weeks to come. I hope they find a way to have us feeling sorry (ish) for Roman, and loathing (as much as you can loathe a man you love) Kevin Owens. I really do.