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10 Things We Learned From WWE Fastlane 2019

Always an educational experience

9. Emotion Skips A Generation

WWE

When you bring in non-wrestling personalities to populate the show, say a local athlete or the relative of a wrestler, you’re assuming a certain of level of risk. Namely, you’re hoping that said outsider’s personality doesn’t create a rough patch in the production, and that things run smoothly when they get involved with the action.

Unfortunately for George Mizanin, who in his defense seems like a good-natured, happy-to-be-here kind of guy, he wasn’t quite able to mete out the proper amount of emotion when his son The Miz was being backjumped by an irate Shane McMahon. There stood Papa George in the front row, demonstrating the same level of concern one displays when they’re unable to remember the name of their fourth grade gym teacher. Meanwhile, his kid is being pulverized by the bane of Ross Tweddell’s existence.

8. Ring Skirts Are Worse Than Banana Peels

WWE

We hear ad nauseum about how the ring apron is the hardest part of the ring, that it’s the death of many a man’s life, that it’ll f**k up your credit score, and so on, so forth. But what about the ring skirts? No one seemed to realize what a hidden danger these tissue-thin apron adornments were until Sonya DeVille unknowingly tempted fate on Sunday night.

By exposing the nether regions of the ring to fish out a kendo stick, Sonya put her good friend Mandy Rose in harm’s way. Mandy ended up skidding on the up-turned skirting, and Asuka sealed her doom amid the confusion. Remember kids: ring skirts are not toys. If you’re going to piledrive someone, it’s actually safer to do it on the apron. Performing the move on an apron *with* the skirt draped over it? You’re signing someone’s death warrant there, bub.

7. WWE Can Make Its Fans Unhappy To See Cesaro

WWE

The phrase “Bizarro World” gets overused in professional wrestling to explain away any crowd that doesn’t color within WWE’s lines, but it almost feels like we now live in something akin to Bizarro Bizzaro World, where people you never thought would get booed are getting booed. Daniel Bryan has been a hated cretin for some time, and now it’s Cesaro’s turn.

Remember when The Bar came together as reluctant partners in 2016, with Sheamus getting booed lustily, and Cesaro earning the “push this guy as a singles babyface, dammit!” cheers? Grant you, it was only a one night deal, and Cesaro’s entrance was part of the beloved Kofi Kingston was getting zonked by evil Mr. McMahon, but hey – at least Cesaro got treated like the heel he’s been for more than two years. Can’t wait until a heavily-pushed babyface who receives lukewarm reactions makes the save for Kofi – and frankly, neither can WWE.

Justin Henry

Written by Justin Henry

In addition to writing lists and commentaries for Cultaholic, Justin is also a features writer and interviewer for Fighting Spirit Magazine, and is co-author of the WWE-related book Titan Screwed: Lost Smiles, Stunners, and Screwjobs.

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