WWE Royal Rumble 2004 GRADED - Review

And so we arrive at our first pay-per-view of 2004, the always-anticipated Royal Rumble!

The show is taking place in Philadelphia and there is a fraction over 17,000 people in attendance. 

For those that care about this sort of thing, Victoria beat Molly Holly with the Widow’s Peak in the pre-show match, which aired on Heat. The match was not for Molly’s WWE Women’s Championship.

After the typically great and hyperbolic PPV hype video we get pyro and the various announce teams welcoming us to the show.

WWE Royal Rumble 2004 GRADED:

Evolution (Ric Flair & Batista) (c) def. The Dudley Boyz (Bubba Ray Dudley & D-Von Dudley) - Tables Match for the WWE World Tag Team Championships

This one is a Tables Match and hasn’t received a lot of attention on Raw of late, but Philly loves them some Dudleys. Last week on Raw, they put Jonathan Coachman (who was in charge for the night) through a table. Before the match, Batista insults the Philadelphia Eagles and the fight is on.

They pair off and brawl on the floor, with Batista having his arm smashed off the ring post and Flair taking a back body drop on the ringside mats. Bubba slides a table from one side of the ring to the other, with it doing a sort of baseball slide into the stomach of Batista. Cute spot. The Dudleys try to double suplex Flair through a table in the ring, but Batista moves it out of the way. The Dudleys team up on him as D-Von hits a big clothesline, sending himself and Batista over the top to the outside. 

In the ring, Flair fires up on Bubba with punches and chops but gets thrown face-first into a table. Bubba with some punches, but Batista is back in to clothesline him down. Evolution are in control but a spot is messed up before The Dudleys hit Batista with a back suplex/neckbreaker combo. Flair climbs to the top rope but, well, you know how that goes. 

The Dudleys set up for a 3D on Flair through a table, but Coachman runs down to distract and gets brought in the hard way. They go to hit the Wazzup on him, but Flair breaks it up and D-Von nails him with a flying clothesline off the top. Batista slides back into the ring and spinebusters D-Von through a table for the win.

Grade: D - This was short and there wasn’t much heat to it. It makes sense to put the Dudleys in a Tables Match on first, especially in ECW country, but it was rather messy. Keeping the titles on Flair and Batista is probably the right call.

Backstage, Josh Mathews asks John Cena his thoughts on competing in the Royal Rumble. Cena puts himself over via rhymes, as is his style, with RVD interrupting to put himself over. Cena continues to rap and vows to win the Rumble.

Rey Mysterio (c) def. Jamie Noble w/Nidia - WWE Cruiserweight Championship

They trade waistlocks to start as Rey gets sent to the ring apron, but lands on his feet and hits a headscissors to put Noble in the 619 position. Noble counters into a flapjack variation, however, and starts stomping away. He suplexes Rey stomach-first onto the top rope and hits a hard kick to the back for a couple of near falls. 

Rey counters a knee to the gut with a schoolboy, but Noble clotheslines him down. Noble slaps on an abdominal stretch variation, which Rey fights out of. Noble launches Rey into the air but Mysterio hits a big dropkick on the way down. Rey springboards into an electric chair position, then spins around and snaps off a hurricanrana followed by a wheelbarrow bulldog for two. 

Rey goes for the second-rope springboard crossbody but only finds Noble’s knee. Rey blocks a Tiger Driver attempt and Noble hits the ropes, only to be tripped up by the ‘blind’ Nidia. Rey sets up the 619 and follows by dropping the dime to retain. 

Rating: C- - Really, really short. Way too short, actually. These guys could potentially have themselves a classic if they got between 15 and 20 minutes, but they’re not getting that outside of house shows. As it is, it’s a fun sprint and the crowd were really into Mysterio. I’d have probably had this one as the opener, to be honest, as it had more energy than the Tables Match.

We get a video recapping the breakup of Los Guerreros. It has been a simple but effective storyline.

Eddie Guerrero def. Chavo Guerrero w/Chavo Sr.

They fight over a lockup to start and Chavo slaps Eddie in the face. Eddie puts Chavo in the corner, but can’t bring himself to punch his nephew. Eddie with a hammerlock into a drop toehold, but Chavo is back up and hits a wicked chop in the corner. Eddie comes back with one of his own and is very pleased with himself. 

Chavo hits a couple of shoulder blocks to take Eddie down, to which his uncle gives him the finger. Charming. They start chopping each other and Eddie gives Chavo a thumb to the eye, but he still won’t punch Chavo in the face. Eddie takes Chavo down and they do the knucklelock lucha spot ending with Chavo hitting a hurricanrana over the top rope to send them both to the outside. 

Eddie goes to climb back into the ring, but Chavo Sr. trips him on the steel stairs. Eddie and Chavo scrap for a bit, before Chavo hits a back suplex for two. Chavo goes for the Three Amigos, but Eddie counters the third (and then a tornado DDT), before hitting the Three Amigos of his own. Eddie follows it up with the Frog Splash for the win. 

After the match, Eddie beats up both Chavos, tying Sr. to the bottom rope by his tie and pounding on Jr. until he’s busted open.

Grade: C - This was way shorter than it should have been, given the storyline and the fact this felt like the blowoff of their feud. The work itself was good, but they deserved more time to tell their story considering how much TV time has been invested in it.

Backstage, Josh Mathews asks Chris Benoit about his chances since he’s the number one entrant in the Rumble. The interview is quickly interrupted by Evolution (sans HHH), as Flair puts the group over and says Orton will win the Rumble while Benoit will be second best, as always. 

We get a video recapping the feud between Brock Lesnar and Hardcore Holly. 

Brock Lesnar (c) def. Hardcore Holly - WWE Championship

Holly knocks Lesnar off the ring apron to start and they brawl on the floor. Lesnar goes for the F5 but gets pushed into the ring post. In the ring now as Holly goes for a top-rope clothesline, but Lesnar moves out of the way. Lesnar with a bunch of stomps and a suplex, before taking Holly outside and ramming his back into the side of the ring. He slaps on a hold of some description, but that goes nowhere and he hits a nice delayed vertical fisherman’s suplex.

Back to the gut wrench hold as some fans start to chant ‘boring’. Holly fights out of it, but Lesnar drops him with a nice belly-to-belly suplex. Once again we hit the gut wrench as fans are rapidly losing interest here. Holly makes his comeback with a clothesline and a dropkick, followed by the Alabama slam. 

He doesn’t go for the cover, opting instead to try his luck with a full nelson, which he holds onto even as they roll to the floor. Holly tries it again, but Lesnar guillotines his neck on the top rope. Lesnar counters another full nelson attempt and hits the F5 to retain his title.

Grade: D+ - And that’s the end of Hardcore Holly’s main event run, such as it was. WWE clearly gave up on this feud a couple of weeks back and nobody bought Holly as a legitimate threat. They had a good story based on real-life, with Lesnar breaking Holly’s neck, but fans found it hard to care about someone who had been positioned as a mid-carder for an eternity before suddenly challenging for the WWE Title at a major pay-per-view. 

As an aside, Holly would later claim that his and Brock’s time was cut in half right before they walked through the curtain, with their shaved time being given to HHH and Shawn Michaels instead. Holly has also been candid about the fact that, though he and Brock got along with each other, Brock saw their programme as a waste of his time.

We get a video recapping the history between HHH and Michaels. 

Triple H (c) vs. Shawn Michaels ends in a draw - Last Man Standing Match for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship 

This is a Last Man Standing Match and it will surely get a tonne of time, since the rest of the mid-card matches (three title bouts and a big grudge match) were done in 50 minutes. 

They start with a strong lockup and then trade strikes before going into a weird pin sequence (when there are no pins). HHH takes over by hitting the facebuster with his knee before sending Michaels hard into the turnbuckles and hitting a backbreaker.

Michaels blocks a kick and hits a dragon screw leg whip before slapping on the figure-four. HHH gets back up but Michaels hits him with a dropkick to the knee. Michaels with a charge, but HHH pulls down the top rope and he goes sailing over to the outside. HHH sets up something on the announce table, but Michaels fights back and evades it. Back in the ring, HHH attempts a Pedigree, but Michaels backdrops him over the top rope.

Michaels goes for a springboard Asai crossbody on the floor, but HHH moves and Michaels crashes through the announce table. Michaels is busted open but is up before the count of 10. Back in the ring, HHH with a series of big punches, but Michaels keeps getting back up and fires back with some of his own before running into a spinebuster. HHH brings a chair into the ring and blasts Michaels in the back, but he’s once again up before 10.

HHH goes for a Pedigree on the chair, but Michaels counters into a slingshot into the corner and follows up with a chair shot to the face. Both men are busted open now as Michaels hits the diving forearm and kips up. Michaels with punches, an atomic drop and more punches, followed by the top-rope elbow. He tunes up the band and goes for Sweet Chin Music but HHH counters by going low.

Michaels slaps on a sleeper, but HHH is awake before the count of 10 and hits a DDT. He sets Michaels up for a top-rope back suplex but it’s countered in midair. HHH with the Pedigree, but Michaels is up at nine and hits the Sweet Chin Music. The referee counts them both out on the double down and it’s a draw.

After the match, HHH is stretchered out while Michaels opts to walk to the back.

Grade: C - They were trying for an epic out there, but just never quite managed it. They had the time, the stipulations, and a lot of blood, but this was only ‘good’ instead of the ‘great’ they were aiming for. The finish was also a bit of an insult on a major card like this. Who wants to see these two fight AGAIN?

We get a video hyping up the Rumble, which is next.

But hang on a second, because here’s Eric Bischoff to claim that Raw will win the Rumble (while making the requisite jokes about Paul Heyman and ‘bingo halls’). This brings out Heyman, who tackles Bischoff and they feebly roll around the ring. That draws out Sheriff Austin, who says both GMs have broken the law. Stunners, beer bash, see ya later.

Terri Runnels tries to interview Goldberg backstage, but Brock Lesnar quickly interrupts, wondering where his interview is. Goldberg vows to win the Rumble and then regain the World Heavyweight Title at WrestleMania. He then spooks Lesnar by joking that Hardcore Holly is behind him before calling Brock a coward in as many words.

Chris Benoit wins the 2004 Royal Rumble

Chris Benoit is #1 and Randy Orton is #2. There are 90-second intervals and Goldberg is confirmed as #30. Benoit with a big clothesline and a snap suplex, but Orton gets him in the corner and goes for the elimination. Mark Henry is #3 and drops Benoit with a big headbutt. Tajiri is #4 and he lights up Orton with kicks before hitting a handspring back elbow. Benoit with two German suplexes on Tajiri as Bradshaw is in at #5. 

Stiff clotheslines for Orton, Henry and Tajiri, but Benoit counters one into the Crippler Crossface and bundles Bradshaw over the top for our first elimination. Rhyno is #6 as Tajiri hits Henry with the green mist and goes for the Tarantula but can’t lock it in. Rhyno goes to Gore Benoit, but he moves and Rhyno hits Henry, eliminating Tajiri. Benoit follows up by eliminating Henry. Matt Hardy is #7 and drops Rhyno with a side effect. Various teased eliminations before Scott Steiner comes in at #8.

Steiner hits everyone with clotheslines and suplexes, but Benoit hits him with two Germans. Matt Morgan is in at #9 and immediately hits Benoit with a big sitout powerbomb and then a big boot to Hardy. The Hurricane is #10 and hits a top-rope crossbody on Hardy. An attempted crossbody on Morgan results in his quick elimination, however (and what looked like a nasty landing on his leg). Booker T is #11 and he hits the axe kick on Orton. Kane is #12 and a replay shows Booker eliminating Steiner during Kane’s entrance. Kane bumps everyone with various power moves, including chokeslams.

#13 is The Undertaker’s gong as Kane freaks out, allowing Booker to eliminate him. But here’s the real #13, Spike Dudley, who is promptly chokeslammed onto the ramp. Thanks for coming, Spike. Rikishi is #14 as Benoit eliminates Rhyno. Rikishi bumps everyone and then gives Morgan the Stinkface. Rene Dupree is #15 as we’re halfway through the field. Dupree eliminates Hardy, but does the French Tickler dance and turns into a Rikishi superkick, which eliminates him. 

A-Train is #16 as Benoit eliminates Morgan. Orton eliminates Rikishi and Booker as Shelton Benjamin comes in at #17. Benoit eliminates Train, as his run of hoss eliminations continues. Shelton tries to superkick Orton, who ducks and eliminates him as we’re back to the first two entrants. There’s a double down as Ernest ‘The Cat’ Miller is #18, but he’s more interested in dancing and gets eliminated by Orton (with Benoit chucking Lamont out for good measure). 

Kurt Angle is #19 (now we’re talking) and he levels Benoit with a clothesline and a suplex but can’t get him out. Rico is #20 and gets dropkicked by Orton but comes back with some kicks before eating an RKO and being eliminated. Test is #21 but, wait a minute, no he isn’t. Test is lying unconscious backstage and can’t compete, so Sheriff Austin tells the off-camera assailant to get to the ring now.

#21 is actually Mick Foley (huge pop) and he comes straight for Orton as they swing wildly at each other. A Cactus clothesline eliminates them both as Foley continues to beat him up on the floor, with Fit Finlay taking the steel stairs to the face as he tries to get him to stop. That’s enough of a distraction to allow Orton to thwack him with a pair of hard chair shots to the head. Christian came out at #22, by the way, not that anyone is watching what’s going on in the ring right now. Orton and Foley continue to fight on the ramp, as Nunzio is out at #23 and walks right into Mr. Socko. Orton low blows Foley and manages to escape. 

What a cracking angle that was, by the way, as Foley makes his big return more than a month after walking out on Raw, rather than face Orton in a match. It did a lot to get fans excited about the eventual match between the two of them.

In the ring, Angle hits Christian and Benoit with German suplexes as The Big Show enters at #24. He bumps the other three around with the usual as Chris Jericho is #25. He and Christian double up on Angle, but Show stops them with a big double headbutt. Everyone tries to eliminate Show, but he fights them off. Charlie Haas is #26 and does much of nothing as Nunzio hides out on the floor. Christian tries to sneakily eliminate Jericho, but Jericho hangs on and backdrops Christian from the apron to the floor, eliminating him. Hard bump, that. 

Billy Gunn makes his return after months on the shelf at #27 and hits Angle, Jericho and Big Show with the Fameasser. John Cena is #28 and he throws Nunzio into the ring, but gets beaten down by Show. Rob Van Dam is #29 and he hits a couple of kicks as the match pace has noticeably slowed down. Cena hits Angle with an FU and here’s Goldberg at #30. He leapfrogs into the ring and spears Show and then Gunn before decking everyone else and planting Haas with a powerslam. Goldberg eliminates Haas with Nunzio on his back and then annihilates Nunzio with a spear. 

Goldberg eliminates Gunn and then Nunzio. He sets up Show for the Jackhammer, but Brock Lesnar runs in and hits Goldberg with an F5. Huge reaction for that one. Goldberg’s seething leaves him open to elimination, as Angle dumps him out from behind. Everyone who’s left tries to get Show out, but he pushes them off and bumps them. Angle chopblocks him from behind, however, as Jericho hits Show with a Lionsault and RVD follows with the Five-Star Frog Splash. Cena with a Five-Knuckle Shuffle and Benoit with the diving headbutt, but they still can’t get him out and Show eliminates Cena (with Cena tearing his MCL on the landing). 

RVD tries to monkey flip Show and gets thrown over the top for his troubles, giving us a final four of Show, Benoit, Jericho and Angle. Jericho hits Show with a second-rope bulldog and locks in the Walls, with Show tapping out. Show recovers and chokeslams Jericho out, however. Benoit takes a chokeslam, but then Angle hits Show with an Angle Slam, following up with another one on Benoit. 

The straps are down and Angle puts Show in the ankle lock and Show taps, but he gets to his feet using the ropes and falls forward over them, eliminating Angle. Great elimination. Show is hunched over the ropes on the apron as Benoit hits a diving headbutt, but Show falls back into the ring, not out of it. 

Benoit counters a chokeslam into the Crossface, but Show (who taps once again) powers out. Show goes to military press Benoit over the top, but Benoit turns it into a guillotine choke and, after much struggling, gets Big Show over the top rope to win the Rumble.

Grade: A - One of the best Rumbles ever, with plenty of story threads, several potential winners and a minimum of dead time. It was excellently paced and tremendously booked, with Orton/Foley and Lesnar/Goldberg matches coming out of it and Benoit booking his place in the main event of WrestleMania XX. They did a really good job of putting him over here as he set the longevity record, eliminating six big guys along the way.

Show Grade: C+ - While the Rumble is first-rate, the rest of the card didn’t quite measure up, mainly due to the first four matches being stiffed on time. That the first four matches combined got the same amount of time as HHH/HBK was a shame, as some of them could have used more time to breathe and the Last Man Standing match got all that extra just to end in a draw. 

In saying that, the show was far from bad and the Rumble took up basically the entire second half. There’s also a lot of storyline juice for Raw and SmackDown as the road to WrestleMania is officially underway.