WWE SmackDown Retro GRADED - February 12, 2004: Eddie Guerrero Cuts The Promo Of His Life

It’s the go-home show for No Way Out 2004, which will be headlined by Brock Lesnar defending his WWE Title against Eddie Guerrero, with SmackDown emanating from the Tacoma Dome in Tacoma, Washington. 

Before the regular opening video, we recap Paul Heyman showing up on Raw and daring Goldberg to show up at the pay-per-view.

Tonight’s main event will see Eddie team with Kurt Angle to take on Brock and Big Show (or will it?).

WWE SmackDown GRADED - February 12, 2004:

Rey Mysterio w/ Jorge Paez def. Tajiri

This is non-title but Rey will defend his Cruiserweight Championship against Chavo Guerrero Jr. at No Way Out. There’s no Akio or Sakoda with Tajiri, though Rey is still hanging about with his weird boxer mate. 

Rey gets a nice second-rope hurricanrana early, followed by a wheelbarrow bulldog. Chavos Jr. and Sr. walk out and distract Rey, so Tajiri kicks him in the back to take over. Tajiri hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. Rey tries to baseball slide through the legs, but Tajiri stops him and slaps on a camel clutch as the fans chant ‘Eddie’ to wind the Chavos up. 

Rey rolls through a sunset flip attempt and dropkicks Tajiri in the face. Rey with a drop toehold and a leg drop. Rey misses a springboard move and Tajiri kicks him in the stomach, but Rey ducks a kick and enziguiris Tajiri, who conveniently falls into the 619 position and eats some swinging boots. The seated senton finishes things.

After the match, Chavo Jr. attacks Rey, but is scared off by Paez. Chavo Sr. comes in and wants to fight, and Paez promptly sparks him out (after doing a couple of weird nip-ups).

Grade: D+ - They only had a couple of minutes to do their thing, really, so there was only so much they could do. It was fun while it lasted, but this was basically a warm-up for Rey and not the Rey/Tajiri match you’ve come to know and love.

We recap Goldberg spearing Heyman on Raw. Backstage, Lesnar complains to Heyman about everything that’s going on with Goldberg and Sheriff Austin these days. Heyman is suffering after the spear, but Brock will not be intimidated by anyone. He’s going to beat up Goldberg (after he beats Eddie) at No Way Out.

Danny Basham w/ Doug Basham & Shaniqua def. Scotty 2 Hotty

Last week on SmackDown, Scotty and Rikishi beat The Bashams to win the WWE Tag Team Titles. At No Way Out, they’ll defend the titles against The Bashams & Shaniqua in a 3-on-2 Handicap Match. 

Lock-up to start and Danny takes him down and grabs a headlock. Scotty switches to one of his own and hits a shoulderblock and a suplex, before getting in a couple of dropkicks. Scotty bars the arm, but Danny hits a straight right hand to break it. Scotty fires back and tees off, which brings Doug onto the apron. With the referee distracted, Danny hits a thumb to the eye and throws Scotty onto the floor, where Shaniqua hits him with a clothesline. 

Back in the ring, Danny slaps on a cravat. Scotty works his way up, but misses a punch and gets taken down with a spinning back suplex. Back to the cravat, with Scotty again fighting out of it. This time he gets a jawbreaker, a couple of clotheslines and a back body drop. He can’t get the bulldog, however, and Danny trips and pins him (with an assist from Doug) for the three.

After the match, Shaniqua is left alone and Rikishi sets up the banzai drop, but the Bashams pull her out of the way just in time.

Grade: D - Perfectly acceptable, if not exactly inspired stuff here. 

Backstage, Mysterio calls the Chavos a couple of cowards. At the PPV, Paez will have Rey’s back. Chavo Jr. better bring everything he’s got at No Way Out. 

Elsewhere, Chavo Sr. is being looked at by the trainer. Chavo Jr. seethes, but vows to beat up Rey and take his title and mask in the process. Chavo’s dad isn’t so sure about his son’s claim that he (Sr.) could beat up Paez, however. 

Meanwhile, Kurt Angle is confident of winning the triple threat WWE Title Number One Contender's Match at the PPV. He’s always done whatever it takes and will do it again at No Way Out. Then he’s going to win the title at WrestleMania XX.

Hardcore Holly def. Rhyno (via DQ)

Holly with a takedown and a front facelock to start. Holly hip tosses his way out of a hammerlock and slaps Rhyno in the face. Holly with some chops, a flying forearm and a running clothesline. Power post and more chops by Holly. Rhyno picks Holly up in a powerbomb position and drops him face-first on the top turnbuckle to take over.

Rhyno locks Holly in a bodyscissors for a bit. Holly works his way out of it and hits some mean chops before taking a gnarly spinebuster. Rhyno sets up for the Gore, but Holly counters with a standing dropkick for a two count. Rhyno pulls Holly into the turnbuckle by his tights and starts teeing off with punches. He shoves the referee and gets disqualified. 

Grade: D - Weak finish. Stylistically, these two match up well, but there’s no real rhyme or reason for them to be fighting (at least right now) and the match had little heat as a result. 

After the match, they continue to brawl around ringside as referees come out to break them up. Okay, now they have a reason to fight.

Backstage, Angle is found unconscious in the locker room. EMTs put him on a stretcher as a bunch of cruiserweights stand around and watch. Eddie arrives on the scene and looks concerned.

In the ring, a mariachi band is playing. Brock Lesnar, wearing a sombrero, comes out dancing and laughing his head off. He continues to have the time of his life before asking the mariachi band to stop. He’s throwing a celebration for Eddie, because he will have nothing to celebrate at No Way Out. He gets the band going again, but Eddie quickly sprints out and clears the ring. 

Brock tells Eddie to relax and claims the band ‘swam’ a long way to perform for him tonight. Brock knows Eddie is a fighter, but calls him an addict and notes that on Sunday, he’s not fighting the odds, but Brock Lesnar. Brock’s going to torture him at the PPV. While Eddie was fighting his demons, Brock was winning the NCAA title. When Eddie was a recovering addict, Brock was on his way to becoming the youngest WWE Champion in history. Brock hates guys like Eddie, who expect sympathy and try to take away from hardworking people like him. He hopes Eddie is addicted – TO LOSING! – because that’s what is going to happen at No Way Out. 

Eddie admits he was an addict. Three years ago, in Minneapolis, Minnesota, he was all messed up and had to be carried from the arena to rehab. Eddie did that to himself, but it was just the beginning as he lost everything – his job, his wife, his kids and his own spirit. But then he came to a point when it was ‘do or die’ and, day by day, he has earned his way back into this ring. Day by day, he has earned the respect of his kids again. Winning the WWE Title belt is going to be Eddie’s way of telling his family that he’s “sorry” and providing a better life for them. 

Eddie’s addicted to new things now, including the high he gets from the fans and the satisfaction he gets from telling people like Brock, who never believed in him, that they can stick it up their ass. He’s addicted to the ‘do or die’ feeling and he’s going to get ‘high’ again at No Way Out. The difference between Eddie and Brock is that he’s an addict and he’ll do anything and run over anybody to get the WWE Title. 

Jesus Christ, what a promo by Eddie that was. He delivered it with so much passion and probably sold a fair few thousand pay-per-view buys and tickets with it. He’s been displaying so much charisma of late, but this was on another level as you real believe he has to win the title. Credit to Brock, too, who sold it all really well by trying not to look too worried while letting Eddie do his thing. 

Bradshaw w/ Faarooq def. Shelton Benjamin w/ Charlie Haas

There’ll be a tag match between these two teams at No Way Out, because reasons. Bradshaw with a takedown and a keylock to start, but Shelton gets a thumb to the eye. Shelton throws Bradshaw out of the ring, but Bradshaw just decks Haas with a right hand. Back in the ring, Bradshaw hits the Last Call and sets up for the powerbomb, but Haas distracts and Shelton hits a fireman’s carry takeover to escape. 

Shelton goes to the run the ropes, but Faarooq pulls them down, sending him to the outside. Bradshaw hits a delayed back suplex. He goes for the clothesline from hell, but Shelton blocks it and sends him into the turnbuckle. Shelton works the arm for a minute before Bradshaw comes back with chops, a back elbow and a big boot. Clothesline in the corner followed by a powerslam gets two. Bradshaw clubs the back, but hurts the arm in the process and takes a superkick. Shelton goes for a charge in the corner, but misses, and the Clothesline from Hell finishes things. 

Grade: D - Weird one here, as there was a clear styles clash and it felt a little clunky at times. It was also done to hype up a mid-card tag match that almost nobody will have an interest in watching. 

Josh Mathews is backstage and will provide an update on Kurt Angle when he has one. Thanks for your hard work, Josh.

In the ring, Jamie Noble is out to complain about Nidia. He’s upset at her spending all of his inheritance money and should have dumped her when she went blind, because he could have any woman he wants. Nidia can get out of their match at the PPV if she does what she’s told and leaves his life for good. She has to give all of her expensive stuff back first, mind. 

Cue Nidia, being driven out in a truck by a couple of guys. She’s spoken with Heyman and, at No Way Out, Noble will wrestle blindfolded. Oh, and she has a woodchipper with her. After a brief demonstration (and after making fun of Noble’s penis size), Nidia puts the $5,000 fur coat into the chipper. 

At WWE Studios, Rue DeBona sat down with Torrie Wilson and Sable to talk about their Playboy cover issue. They haven’t always been the best of friends, but they had a lot of fun posing naked together and everything is fine now! There’s a lesson there, folks. Oh, and Miss Jackie and Stacy Keibler are just jealous and pathetic. Torrie makes it clear that she’s attracted to men, but can’t deny that Sable is hot and things got steamy during their shoot. I feel like Kevin Dunn must have personally directed that segment. He must have directed it hard.

The announcers run down the No Way Out card, which looks pretty weak outside of the top two matches, it must be said.

Eddie Guerrero & John Cena def. Brock Lesnar & Big Show

Angle is unable to compete, so Cena is taking his place. That’s a definite downgrade in terms of match quality, but the fans are very into Cena right now, if nothing else.

Cena and Show start by trading blows, until Show crotches himself on the top rope and Cena barges him to the floor. Show tags out to Brock and Cena tags out to Eddie. They exchange punches and Brock goes for a gorilla press slam, but Eddie counters into a sunset flip for two. Eddie fires away and hits a dropkick, but Brock just mullers him with a spinebuster. 

Tag to Show, who hits some chops and a headbutt, but Eddie gets out of a powerbomb attempt and tags to Cena, who is quickly cut off by Show. He hits Cena with a leg drop and goes for another, but Eddie pulls him backwards over the top rope. In the ring, Eddie lowbridges Brock over the top rope as we go for a break. 

Back from the break as Show has Cena trapped in an abdominal stretch before clotheslining him down. Brock tags in and hits a delayed vertical fisherman’s suplex before slapping on a gut wrench hold. Cena fights out but Brock hits a knee to the gut and goes back to the hold. Show tags in and works the midsection (kinda) before hitting a big boot. Cena finally fires up and, after much trying, knocks Show off his feet with a flying clothesline and a sloppy throwback. Show cuts him off with a sidewalk slam, but a chokeslam is countered and Cena hits a DDT.

Brock tags in and knocks Eddie off the apron, but misses a corner charge and is also DDT’d by Cena. Hot tag to Eddie, who fires away with right hands and clotheslines Brock after dropkicking his knee. Eddie hits the rolling vertical suplexes, but stops at two amigos to knock Show off the apron and hits Brock with a headscissor takeover for two. Eddie hits a top-rope missile dropkick, but Show breaks up the cover.

Cena and Show are brawling at ringside when Angle appears and hits both Show and Cena with a steel chair. The referee and Brock are distracted, allowing Eddie to low blow Brock with Cena’s steel chain and roll him up for three. 

Grade: C+ - Strong main event tag match here and Eddie getting a win heading into No Way Out is the right call.

Show Grade: C- - As far as a pay-per-view go-home show goes, this wasn’t very good as SmackDown’s mid-card scene is poor at the moment and there’s not a great deal to get invested in.

However, Eddie versus Brock is a genuinely intriguing programme and they’ve managed to build it up really well in a short period of time with a couple of very strong promo segments and tonight’s main event. See you next time for No Way Out Retro Graded!