WWE SmackDown Retro GRADED: January 1, 2004 - Smacky New Year

Hello and welcome to Retro GRADED, a new series where we will look back at an entire year of WWE TV (Raw and SmackDown) and pay-per-views, starting with 2004.

Why 2004? Well, it was an interesting year both on-screen and behind the scenes for WWE, who were forced to build around a different crop of talent after several high-profile departures. And, on a personal note, 2004 holds a special place in my heart as I was 12 going on 13 and several years into my wrestling fandom, which was nearing its peak.

I will try my best to remain objective, but the power of nostalgia may influence my gradings somewhat. It shouldn’t be too much of a problem, mind, since a lot of 2004 sucked a fat one.

WWE SmackDown GRADED - January 1, 2004:

We start the year on January 1 (how appropriate) with an episode of SmackDown from Laredo, Texas. The last SmackDown of 2003 was the first-ever edition of what would later become Tribute to the Troops, which actually aired on Christmas Day and was pretty much a standalone show designed to boost morale for military personnel stationed in Iraq. 

After a video recapping how Hardcore Holly became number-one contender to WWE Champion Brock Lesnar two weeks back (yes, really) and the usual opening sequence, we get the show rolling with our first match of the year…

Rey Mysterio def. Tajiri (c) - WWE Cruiserweight Championship

Tajiri is defending, having won the title from Mysterio back in September. He is accompanied to ringside by Akio and Sakoda. Mysterio beat Jamie Noble to become number-one contender. 

They start out with some tidy mat wrestling as Rey gets a victory roll and a high snapmare, before Tajiri knocks him down and hits a hard chest-first whip into the buckle. Rey hits a nice flying arm drag off the second rope and counters the handspring back elbow with a dropkick to the back. A running flip dive over the top rope to the outside has Rey in control as we head to the break.

Back from the break with Akio and Sakoda preventing Rey from hitting a 619 as Tajiri takes over. He works over Rey’s knee with strikes and submissions, including a dropkick as Rey is hanging upside down in the tree of woe. The Tarantula is blocked and Rey gets a front dropkick and a second-rope hurricanrana, despite the bad knee.

A springboard crossbody and a wheelbarrow bulldog gets two, as does a very nice tiltawhirl arm drag into a pin. The seated senton gets countered into a half-crab, but Rey fights to the ropes. The ref is momentarily bumped and Tajiri’s goons interfere, but a running ligerbomb only gets two for the champ.

The buzzsaw kick misses and Rey hits the 619 this time, but a west coast pop attempt doesn’t come off, and Rey ends up in the ropes. Sakoda holds him for the green mist but Rey ducks before getting rid of Akio and hitting a standing hurricanrana to become the new WWE Cruiserweight Champion.

Grade: B - These two always work well together and this was a fantastic way to kick off the show (and the year). Tajiri is great, but putting the belt on Rey will only make the title mean more as he’s by far the most over member of the cruiserweight division.

After the match, Rey cuts a promo thanking the fans but is interrupted by The Big Show, who is here to plug his new t-shirt. They get into it and Show ends up beating Rey down, which is the cue for Hardcore Holly to run in for the save as Show eats a 619 to end the segment.

We get a video of some soldiers wishing us a happy new year. How nice.

Backstage, Big Show is hot and smashing things up in the hallway when SmackDown General Manager Paul Heyman tries to calm him down and gives him a match with Holly later tonight. The piped-in SmackDown crowd loves that announcement. 

Bradshaw def. Rhyno

This is a rubber match, and Bradshaw is looking for retribution after Rhyno low-blowed and gored Faarooq two weeks ago.

Bradshaw clubs away and hits a shoulder tackle and an elbow for two. He hits a corner clothesline but the Clothesline from Hell is ducked and Rhyno gets a DDT for two. He hits some punches and a suplex for two, but Bradshaw quickly fights back and hits the fallaway slam. 

Rhyno misses a charge in the corner, and the Clothesline from Hell wraps things up in just a couple of minutes. 

Grade: D - The way the announcers were praising Bradshaw for his efforts with the troops, you knew he was going over here. Too short to mean anything, really, but this was barely a feud to begin with anyway.

Earlier today, Los Guerreros took part in a lowrider parade. They will take on the World’s Greatest Tag Team later on.

We get a music video detailing WWE’s recent trip to Baghdad for their goodwill tour and Christmas in Iraq special.

Backstage, Paul Heyman is interrupted by John Cena who puts over the troops some more (they appear to be SmackDown’s top babyface at this point) and tells Heyman to check himself. Heyman objects to being called a coward, however, and books Cena in a Two-on-Three Handicap Match with the FBI. If Cena and his partner win, they’re in the Royal Rumble match, but if they lose, neither can enter. Oh, and the match is next, so Cena better go find a partner. 

John Cena & Chris Benoit def. The Full-Blooded Italians (Nunzio, Chuck Palumbo & Johnny Stamboli) - Handicap Match

Chris Benoit comes out as John Cena’s partner and adds to Cena’s rap, which is certainly weird. I know they’re at a numerical disadvantage and all, but I quite fancy their chances, especially since Nunzio, Chuck Palumbo and Johnny Stamboli get the jobber already-in-the-ring entrance. 

Everyone throws down in the ring to start, but Benoit gets tossed to the floor as Cena hits a Five-Knuckle Shuffle on Stamboli. He goes for the FU, but Palumbo kicks Cena in the face as the FBI take over and isolate Cena with some generic heel offense.

Cena tries to fight back, but Palumbo cuts him off with a big right hand and then puts him back into the corner as Nunzio and Stamboli pull him groin-first into the ring post. I hope Cena has a cup on underneath those jorts.

More stomping before Stamboli slaps on a chinlock and knocks Cena down with a big clothesline. Cena hits his version of the blue thunder bomb on Palumbo and makes the hot tag to Benoit, who cleans house with running forearms and suplexes of the snap and German variety.

A diving headbutt connects on Stamboli, but Nunzio breaks up the pin. Stamboli and Palumbo then double-team Benoit, but Cena breaks up the pin. Benoit slaps the sharpshooter on Stamboli, but the referee is distracted, and Palumbo hits him with a superkick to break it up. Benoit kicks out at two and then counters a military press into the Crippler Crossface. Stamboli taps a second after Cena hits Palumbo with the FU.

Grade: C - The result was never really in doubt, but it was a hot finish and the crowd were into Cena and Benoit, who are now officially entered into the Royal Rumble.

Michael Cole and Tazz put over the troops some more, before Kurt Angle makes his return to SmackDown. He last wrestled at Survivor Series 2003 and has been out with a neck injury. He puts over the troops (who I’d just go ahead and book to win the title at WrestleMania right now if I’m honest) and tells a long story about one particular soldier he encountered while recently meeting some troops overseas. And finally, we get to the point of this whole promo as Angle enters the Royal Rumble and vows to win it for the troops and America.

Big Show def. Hardcore Holly By DQ

Big Show is the reigning United States Champion but this is non-title. I’m not sure whether he’s actually defended the thing on TV since beating Eddie Guerrero to win the title at No Mercy back in October, but oh well. 

Show overpowers Holly and keeps throwing him into the corner, but Holly gets a boot up and tees off with some right hands. An Irish whip is reversed into a clothesline, which puts Holly down. A chop, headbutt, slam and the Hog Log look like they have Holly beaten, but Show picks him off the canvas at two. 

Show works on the neck, as Holly goes to the knee. He guillotines Show’s throat over the top rope and hits a diving top-rope clothesline for two. Show hits a sidewalk slam and a kind of shoulder breaker. Show has the full nelson locked in, but Rey Mysterio jumps off the top rope with a chair, which Show promptly punches back into his face. Holly then kicks Show in the World’s Largest Bollocks to draw the DQ.

After the match, Holly goes berserk with a steel chair and busts Big Show open.

Grade: D- - Not quite an F, but my God did this not do Holly (or Mysterio) any favours.

Mr. Ass Billy Gunn will return from his latest shoulder injury at the Royal Rumble.

Backstage, Dawn Marie is cosying up to Heyman, who looks positively sick of his life. Things are about to get worse, mind, as Chris Benoit walks into the room and says he will win the Royal Rumble and become the next WWE Champion. Heyman responds by making Benoit the number-one entrant in the Rumble and proceeds to have his finger bent backwards as Benoit talks about his family and all the sacrifices he has made to get to the top. Well, that’s just…ah.

Backstage, Rey Mysterio (who just had a chair punched into his face not long ago) is celebrating his title win with Bradshaw, Funaki, Shannon Moore and Orlando Jordan when Eddie Guerrero joins the party. An annoyed Chavo Guerrero quickly interrupts and pulls Uncle Eddie to the side, lambasting him for his selfishness before telling him to focus on their match with the WGTT.

We get an advert imploring viewers to Smack their TVs. Don’t worry, I am and it’s going great.

The World’s Greatest Tag Team (Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas) def. Los Guerreros (Eddie Guerrero & Chavo Guerrero)

These two teams spent much of 2003 wrestling against each other and usually had great matches. Eddie is wearing a brace on his elbow to protect him after a recent minor injury. Eddie and Shelton Benjamin start, but there are quick tags on both sides as Chavo gets a couple of nice dropkicks. 

Shelton with an exploder suplex on Chavo and then powerslams him onto Charlie Haas’ knee. Haas with a powerslam on Chavo, but he gloats and Eddie hits him from behind. Chavo refuses to tag Eddie in and Haas takes him back down with a clothesline. Haas and Chavo crack heads for a double down, as Eddie distracts the referee and drags Chavo to their corner so he can essentially make his own hot tag.

Eddie is a house of fire as he hits clotheslines, dropkicks, backbody drops and suplexes, before taking out both members of WGTT with a beautiful flying arm drag and headscissors combo. He hits Haas with the Three Amigos and attempts to go up for the Frog Splash, but Chavo makes his own tag and they argue.

Shelton dumps Eddie and Chavo can only get knees on a frog splash of his own. Shelton runs back in and blasts Chavo with a superkick, allowing Haas to get the pin.

Grade: C- - This was much more about the angle than the actual match, which was inferior to previous outings but still had some good stuff in it.

After the match, Chavo blames Eddie for the loss. He’s sick of not being cheered while everyone chants for Eddie. Eddie tries to get a ‘Chavo’ chant going but, well, you know how that goes. Chavo slaps Eddie, who looks ready to snap, but here’s Kurt Angle to play peacemaker as we head to a break.

After the break, Eddie and Angle are backstage and Kurt tells him that Chavo is right and that Eddie needs to look in the mirror. Cole and Tazz talk about what just went down as the show just sort of…ends. 

Happy New Year!

Show Grade: C - Things started off hot with the Cruiserweight Title match and they certainly began the build to the Royal Rumble, with John Cena, Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle all announced as entrants. The wrestling wasn’t the strongest and the Holly/Brock feud doesn’t appear to have much steam, but they advanced a bunch of storylines and built enough intrigue for next week’s show.