10 Wrestling Road Stories That Defy Reality

You can almost picture the template that comes with the most outlandish of wrestling road stories: ornery brawlers, a little too much boredom, way too much alcohol, some bloodshed, possibly a bit of police presence, and very nearly the death of one or more wrestler. They're equal parts comedic anecdote and eye-opening cautionary tale, and damn it, they're all so compelling.

The following stories have been regaled by one or more persons to the best of their memories, and while you can certainly expect at least a modicum of embellishment in their words, that only enhances these sagas. And just a friendly reminder that while the stories you're about to hear are mostly hilarious, we ask that you not try to replicate the nuttiness in any form.

Bodies have been bruised, necks broken, careers ended in an instant - yes, this is entertainment, but the hazards are real. No matter who you are, whatever you do, please, don't try the following stories at home. 

Those involved here are professionals as well - and that's what's frightening!

You can almost picture the template that comes with the most outlandish of wrestling road stories: ornery brawlers, a little too much boredom, way too much alcohol, some bloodshed, possibly a bit of police presence, and very nearly the death of one or more wrestler. They're equal parts comedic anecdote and eye-opening cautionary tale, and damn it, they're all so compelling.

The following stories have been regaled by one or more persons to the best of their memories, and while you can certainly expect at least a modicum of embellishment in their words, that only enhances these sagas. And just a friendly reminder that while the stories you're about to hear are mostly hilarious, we ask that you not try to replicate the nuttiness in any form.

Bodies have been bruised, necks broken, careers ended in an instant - yes, this is entertainment, but the hazards are real. No matter who you are, whatever you do, please, don't try the following stories at home. 

Those involved here are professionals as well - and that's what's frightening!

10. A Complex Drinking Game

Andre the Giant and alcohol-related chaos go together like peanut butter and jelly, and you could fill a War and Peace-length tome solely with incredible tales involving those two elements. It was Ric Flair that shared this particular yarn about the time in 1976 that he, Andre, Dick Murdoch, and Blackjack Mulligan were seated at a patio bar in Norfolk, VA, in proximity to the Atlantic Ocean. At some point during this heavy boozing session, Mulligan, apparently without provocation, sucker-punched Andre.

For most mortal men, getting cracked by the 6'7, 330 pound Mulligan would render them unconscious. But Andre, he was unfazed. The Giant grabbed both Mulligan and Murdoch (who had also gotten physically involved) and dragged both heavyweights by their throats to the ocean, where he held both of their heads under the water. And the only thing that was going to save them was Andre's mercy. Flair notes that Andre certainly wasn't going to try and kill either man, but wanted to remind them how easy it would be for him to do just that.

9. Stark Raving Mad Dog

They just don't make him like Mad Dog Vachon anymore, and that might just be for the best. A notorious wildman with a gruff demeanour and killer's edge in front of audiences and TV cameras, the legendary Vachon could be just as irascible and unpredictable outside the ring. This proved to be the case during a flight with various AWA wrestlers, and it just so happened that Mad Dog, according to Greg Gagne, was filled with a weekend's supply of intoxicants, including beer, whiskey, wine, a quaalude, and had smoked a joint. That was before the fun started.

You may be surprised to learn that Vachon soon came undone - in mid-flight. The fearsome brawler opened the rear door, causing panic from his fellow AWAers, and began hanging out of the frame while tens of thousands of feet off the ground. In his stupor, he also began throwing things out the door, and the pilot was forced to make an emergency landing. Upon arrival, a still-unsteady Vachon actually brawled with Gagne and Jim Brunzell out on the runway, and three were sent toppling over by the gust of a passing aeroplane.

8. Ashes To Ashes

Not all crazy wrestling road stories involve men behaving badly. Sometimes the circumstances go beyond the control of the unhinged entertainers themselves, and blame for what happens can be laid upon a natural disaster, and we don't mean John Tenta or Fred Ottman. Take for instance the eruption of Mount St. Helens in Washington state in the spring of 1980, a major volcanic event that killed 57 people, caused over a billion dollars in damage, and dropped ash across 11 different US states.

What does this have to do with wrestling? It just so happens that as Mount St. Helens was blowing its stack, Rowdy Roddy Piper and Rick Martel were travelling in Martel's Pontiac Firebird from Portland up to an event in Tacoma when the ash particles in the air greatly reduced their visibility. As the pair came over a hill, they ended up careening right into a jackknifed 18-wheeler, going up to the windshield in the truck's underside, as Martel recalls. Other vehicles joined in the sudden pile-up, and the wrestlers were miraculously unharmed. After assisting other motorists, Piper and Martel hitched a ride in another truck, arriving late to that night's card.

7. Road Rage

When the law is on your side, you needn't do anything to upset that balance. But if you're as angry as Davey Boy Smith was one night in the fall of 1983, you're more apt to dole out justice your own way. And that's where the trouble started when a bus full of Stampede wrestlers were cut off by a speeding car one night, almost causing the bus to crash. According to Bret Hart, one of the car's occupants even launched a beer bottle at the bus, which understandably served to make the wrestlers angrier.

Up the road, the Stampede crew discovered that the police had pulled that car over for speeding, and Bret's brother Wayne stopped the bus, so they could inform the cops about the car's irresponsible driving. That's when Davey Boy charged the car, pushed past the cop, and angrily grabbed the driver through his window. When the officer went to restrain, Smith, he was thrown down onto the asphalt by the irate wrestler. Before long, it was The British Bulldog in handcuffs in the back of the squad car. As Ron Burgundy would say, "Boy, that escalated quickly."

6. No Chill

If you've ever had a Domino Rally set, you know how it works - with all the pieces in place, you tip over the first domino, and you trigger a chain reaction that does the rest. One night in 1984, Hacksaw Jim Duggan was part of that first domino when he was minding his own business, sipping his drink at a Louisiana nightclub called The Lighthouse. That's when somebody threw a chunk of ice at Duggan. And then another. Duggan didn't see the assailant but assumed it was either Hercules Hernandez or Steve Williams, his on-screen rivals, at the other side of the club.

Figuring they were the culprits, Duggan flung an ice cube back at them, only to miss and hit a woman in their vicinity. She charged Duggan, missed him with her drink, and began swinging at him. Duggan tried to defend himself, only for some male patron to hit him. Duggan knocked him on his ass, and suddenly, chaos ensued, as Hercules and Williams began taking on everyone in the bar. The wrestlers had to fight their way out the door, where Hercules was eventually pulled over for a DUI. All because Duggan has hit with a simple piece of ice - which Williams swore to Duggan into his dying days that neither he nor Hercules threw. So all of that, over a piece of ice and apparently a false assumption.

5. Worked Into A Shoot

Drugs and alcohol are oftentimes blamed for the downfall of many (not just wrestlers), but what about boredom? General malaise and listlessness can lead to trouble, as Barry Windham learned one fateful day down in The Sunshine State. Windham, Steve Keirn, and Bill Alfonso were en route to a card in Florida and periodically would stop during the endless trip in order to fire Windham's brand new pistol at various inanimate objects.

To cut right to the chase, Windham got shot in the leg. There are different recollections of events, as Windham remembers Keirn dropping the gun, causing it to accidentally discharge, plugging Windham's limb. Alfonso claimed that a bullet ricocheted off a pole, and caught Windham's leg on the rebound. But both versions agree on thing: Windham used a pocket knife to dig the bullet out, before tying a bandana around the wound, before painfully venturing onward to the event, where he wrestled Harley Race (who is deadlier than any firearm) without receiving any sort of treatment. Remember that time you called out of work because you had a headache?

4. He Fights Clean

Chances are you've heard variants of this story at some point, because quite frankly it's just too silly not to share. The scene was an Atlanta hotel bar in the fall of 1991, by which time Psycho Sid Vicious Justice had left WCW to jump to WWE. At the time, Sid was mending from an arm injury and happened to be in town, where he caught up with some old colleagues at that bar. In the room were Brian Pillman and Mike Graham, with whom Sid had some prior heat with.

Some accounts claim that Pillman and Sid's altercation got a bit physical, while others say it was just words and threats being exchanged. But virtually everyone who tells the story remembers what happened next: Sid left the bar, and returned...armed with a squeegee. You know, the rubber-bladed tool used to clean windshields and the like. As the stories go, Pillman and his WCW brethren laughed Sid out of the bar, because c'mon, it's a squeegee. It's not nearly as intimidating as, say for instance, an ice cube.

3. Lakeview Terror

It's known as the "Death Tour", and various wrestlers who have cut their teeth in northern Manitoba can tell you about such tours. Promoter and trainer Tony Condello would book a series of shows at Manitoba Indian Reservations in the dead of winter, and wrestlers making the tours had to endure some truly harrowing scenarios, including driving across unsafe roads at no more than five miles an hour, and other times driving across lakes. On one particular "Death Tour", Edge, Christian, Rhyno, and various others were among the two-vehicle convoy trying to navigate a gigantic frozen lake in the wee hours, with temperatures miles below zero.

Edge was driving the front van, and, to his horror, nearly drove the vehicle into a colossal pit of water where there should have been solid ice. Condello took the wheel and managed to get across the remaining part of the lake, albeit driving through the freezing water. The ring truck behind them was trying to get through next, and while the wrestlers in the first van watched, Christian suddenly fell through the ice up this thighs. This sent Rhyno into a crazed panic, and he began running for his life. During his hysteria, he ended up knocking Christian over, which Edge joked was "the birth of the Gore". Fortunately, after 90 minutes of trying to solve the lake puzzle, everybody survived, including Christian, who narrowly avoided hypothermia.

2. Jaws Of Death

You don't spit in the wind, you don't tug on Superman's cape, and you don't ever mess around with Haku. It doesn't matter if his name is Meng at the time - it's still the same half-Jason Voorhees/half-chupacabra that has spawned more legends than well-crafted folklore. In this particular instance, somebody messed with Meng during his WCW run and paid dearly for it.

As Kevin Sullivan remembers, he and Meng entered a bar one night looking to have a couple drinks before retiring to their hotel rooms. Somebody in the bar playing pool referred to Meng with some derogatory term, and Meng immediately seized him by the throat. A would-be intervener was struck down with one blow by Meng. The great King Tonga then turned his attention back to the mouthy idiot and proceeded to bite a chunk out of the guy's back through his shirt and spit it to the floor. After that experimental bit of cannibalism, Sullivan got Meng out of the bar and away from the scene. The police were reportedly called, but the incident was never followed up on because, well, they know better.

1. Re-Enter Sandman

You be the judge if this next story is hilarious or horrifying. Frankly, it's probably both, but who are we to decide for you?

At an ECW event in Milwaukee in the year 2000, showrunner Tommy Dreamer is startled when a tearful, emotionally-wrought Rhino arrives late at the taping. Dreamer takes him aside to ask what's going on and Rhino tells him straight up - The Sandman has died of an overdose of the pain reliever Nubain. But don't worry, Tommy - they managed to bring him back to life.

So what in the hell happened? Well, as stated, Dreamer learned that Sandman did in fact overdose in the car alongside Rhino, Little Guido, and Bill Alfonso. Their first act upon Sandman's death, according to Dreamer, was to have Alfonso quickly dispose of the drugs. Then they brought Sandman to the hospital and just threw him to the floor, saying: "Hey, we found this guy, we think he might be dying." But good news: the medics revived Sandman with an adrenaline needle to the heart, and he wrestled that very night. His opponent was Barry Windham, who had a bullet wound in his leg. If only.