WWE SmackDown Retro GRADED - January 29, 2004: Rumble Redux

We’re fresh off the Royal Rumble, where SmackDown’s Chris Benoit won the 30-man match, after being entered by Paul Heyman at #1, only to jump to Raw the next night. Elsewhere, WWE Champion Brock Lesnar dispatched Hardcore Holly with relative ease and Eddie Guerrero beat his nephew and former tag partner Chavo.

WWE SmackDown GRADED - January 29, 2004:

We open things up with Paul Heyman, who is very quickly interrupted by Mr. McMahon. He starts cutting a fiery promo, talking about how tonight should have been a night of celebration for SmackDown and Chris Benoit, but that’s not going to happen and McMahon is blaming Heyman for Benoit jumping ship. He expects Heyman to apologise to the SmackDown audience, but Heyman says ‘SCREW CHRIS BENOIT!’ instead.

That’s because it’s the same thing Vince himself would say whenever someone abandoned him, like when Hall, Nash, Hogan and Bret left WWE in the 1990s. Vince just gave someone else the opportunity, which is what Heyman will do tonight with a 15-man Royal Rumble where the winner gets a shot at the WWE Title at No Way Out. Hardcore Holly is in for the injured Matt Morgan, while Eddie Guerrero replaces Chris Benoit. McMahon approves and we have our main event.

The Basham Brothers (Danny Basham & Doug Basham) (c) w/ Shaniqua def. Paul London & Billy Kidman - WWE Tag Team Championships

The thrown-together high-flying babyface tag team of London and Kidman get a shot at the straps in what appears to be their first ever match together, at least on SmackDown. 

Kidman starts with Doug and hits a headscissors takeover before tagging out to London, who hits a jumping heel kick. Danny comes in and takes a dropsault, as London grabs a headlock. He goes to run the ropes, but Danny pulls them apart and London takes a gnarly bump through the second and third rope. 

The Bashams isolate London for a minute, before he hits a mule kick and evades a charge in the corner. Tag to Kidman, who runs wild with a crossbody off the top and a headlock takeover/hurricanrana combo. An enziguiri gets two and Kidman hits a BK bomb before signalling for the Shooting Star Press. Danny crotches Kidman when the referee’s back is turned, however, and then hits a sick-looking hanging DDT off the top rope for the three. 

Grade: D+ - This didn’t really have time to get going, but the team of Kidman and London has potential as a white-meat babyface duo. The SmackDown tag division certainly needs something else because the pickings are slim at the moment.

Backstage, Kurt Angle picks his Rumble number and once again dedicates the match to the men and women of the United States armed forces. 

Elsewhere, Chavo Guerreros Sr. and Jr. are licking their wounds after Eddie beat them up at the Rumble. Not literally, of course. Chavo Jr. vows revenge.

Meanwhile, Eddie picks his number and hits on Dawn Marie. Fair play. Rey Mysterio walks in and introduces Eddie to former champion boxer Jorge Paez.

After the break, John Cena picks his number. He also wants to have sex with Dawn Marie, but here’s Heyman to c*ckblock him. Rhyno comes in and threatens Cena with physical harm in the Rumble, so Cena replies that Rhyno stinks and asks Heyman to give him some soap. 

Rey Mysterio (c) def. Jamie Noble w/ Nidia - WWE Cruiserweight Championship

Mysterio retained his title at the Rumble after the ‘blind’ Nidia ‘accidentally’ tripped Noble. They do some amateur-style mat wrestling to start, before working their way into the knucklelock lucha spot that ends with Rey hitting a nice backwards roll into a headscissors. Noble gets a tilt-a-whirl into a torture rack, which Rey arm drags his way out of. He sets up for the 619, but Noble cuts him off with a back elbow. Nidia trips Noble again (‘accidentally’), which allows Rey to hit a very nice second-rope springboard hurricanrana for two. 

Noble cuts Rey off again and hits a backbreaker before slapping on a modified abdominal stretch. Rey fights out of it and gets a near fall, but Noble runs him into the turnbuckles back-first. Noble uses the ring post to stretch Rey bow and arrow style. Back inside, Noble hits a top-rope superplex and they’re both down. Rey comes back with a second-rope diving bulldog for two and then a Code Red for another two. 

Noble goes for the tiger driver, but Rey ‘ranas him into the ropes and hits the 619. Noble ducks the West Coast Pop and sends Rey to the outside for a hard landing. Noble climbs to the top rope, but Nidia wanders in the way, so Noble throws her into the ring instead. He goes to throw her Into Rey on the apron, but Nidia stops herself and Rey hits the seated senton to retain. 

After the match, Nidia reveals that she’s not actually blind after all.

Grade: B- - Really fun match between these two, much better than their outing at the Rumble, as they got more time and busted out some really cool stuff. 

Meanwhile, at WWE Studios, Rue DeBona talks about the history between WWE and Playboy.

Backstage, Big Show picks his number. Well, Dawn picks it for him, because Show’s giant hands are too big for the tumbler. 

Elsewhere, Josh Mathews wants to talk to Brock Lesnar about his issues with Goldberg. Brock reels off all the things he’s done that Goldberg hasn’t. Brock isn’t afraid of Goldberg and is issuing an open challenge (non-title) to the SmackDown roster for tonight.

Meanwhile, the World’s Greatest Tag Team are in the middle of picking their numbers when Heyman is frantically summoned to the bathroom, where Eddie Guerrero is laying unconscious. The Chavos arrive on the scene and profess their innocence, but Rey Mysterio attacks them anyway (before he’s pulled away by Fit Finlay).

During the break, a still-unconscious Eddie was loaded into an ambulance.

Brock Lesnar def. Orlando Jordan

Lesnar attacks to start and throws Jordan outside the ring. Lesnar gloats, allowing Jordan to come back into the ring and dropkick him from behind. Jordan with some punches and sunset flip, but Lesnar again muscles him into the corner and hits some shoulders to the gut followed by a powerslam. 

Brock sinches a grapevine in and sits in it for a while, before Jordan fires up and hits some weak dropkicks to the knee and a flying forearm. More dropkicks for two, but Lesnar wallops Jordan with a clothesline and slaps on the Brock Lock for the tap out. 

Grade: D - Quick night’s work for Brock. The announcers try to put over Orlando for showing guts, but he’s clearly far from ready for primetime based on this showing, as he looked really nervous.

We get a video showing WWE Superstars (Mysterio, Morgan, Dawn & Shaniqua) visiting troops at the Walter Reed Medical Center earlier in the day. 

We recap The Undertaker tormenting Kane from beyond the grave as Mr. McMahon speaks with Josh Mathews about nothing in particular.

Elsewhere, Angle is mad about Eddie being attacked but Heyman assures him that Eddie has regained consciousness. Kurt is worried Heyman will replace Eddie with Chavo Jr., but Heyman says Eddie’s still in, as long as he can physically make it to the ring. 

Eddie Guerrero wins the 15-Man Royal Rumble

90-second intervals and the winner wrestles Brock Lesnar for the WWE Title at No Way Out. 

Kurt Angle is #1 and Rhyno is #2. Angle with some right hands to start but Rhyno gets a quick Gore and goes for the elimination. Angle avoids it and hits an Angle slam as Charlie Haas is #3. Haas with a dropkick on Angle, but Rhyno attacks from behind and everyone tries eliminations. Shelton Benjamin is in at #4. He hits Angle with an exploder suplex before WGTT hit Rhyno with that leapfrog-onto-the-back move they do in the ropes (did that ever get a name?).

Angle hits both members of WGTT with German suplexes and stomps away. Haas with a powerslam on Angle. Bradshaw is #5 and hits a Clothesline from Hell on Haas and Rhyno, while Benjamin eats a big boot. Back from the break with Tajiri at #7, after The Cat (#6) was eliminated. Tajiri kicks the wig off Lamont’s head in the aisle, then hits Rhyno with a big kick in the ring. A replay shows The Cat running wild, but he stopped to dance and Angle eighty-sixed him over the top rope.

Billy Gunn is #8. Fameasser for Bradshaw, who gets kicked in the face by Tajiri, who then takes a spinebuster from Rhyno. Tajiri with the handspring back elbow on Haas. Bradshaw with a pumphandle slam on Tajiri. Big Show is #9 as everyone in the ring stops what they’re doing. They attempt to gang up on him, but Show pushes them all away and hits a bunch of clotheslines. Show catches Tajiri’s kick and Chokeslams him over the top rope. Bradshaw boots Show in the face, but Show ducks a charge and Bradshaw is eliminated, too. 

John Cena is #10 (wearing a knee brace after tearing his MCL at the PPV) and he almost eliminates Show. Back from the break, during which Cena eliminated Nunio (#11) and A-Train entered at #12. Eddie Guerrero is #13 and quickly eliminates Train. There’s a bunch of kick-punch brawling before Rikishi comes out at #14. He hits Gunn with a superkick, then two to Big Show. Stinkfaces for Show, Benjamin and Gunn (Tazz: “But Billy Gunn is the Ass Man! You can’t do that to the Ass Man!”). 

Hardcore Holly is the final entrant as Show hits Rikishi with a chokeslam and then eliminates Cena. Show is still on the apron, however, and a bunch of people in the ring eliminate him with a big Cena assist from the floor. Not much is happening, so we get replays of some of the eliminations so far. Eddie and Haas mess up a hurricanrana over the top rope, so Eddie just throws him over instead and Angle gets rid of Benjamin. Angle Slam and a frog splash on Rikishi. Angle eliminates Holly and we’re down to Angle, Eddie, Rikishi and Gunn. 

Gunn catches Eddie’s monkey flip attempt, but Eddie counters and eliminates Gunn. Eddie and Angle make a pact to go after Rikishi, who fires up on them and hits a double clothesline. Superkick to Angle and a spinebuster/chokeslam variation on Eddie. Rikishi drags Angle to the corner for the Banzai Drop, but Angle moves. Angle and Eddie team up and eliminate Rikishi as we’re down to the final two.

They wrestle around on the mat until Eddie hits a back elbow and Angle charges, with Eddie almost eliminating him. Angle takes over with right hands and the rolling Germans. He tries to back suplex Eddie over the top rope, but Eddie somehow lands on the apron and slaps on an ankle lock. Angle switches into one of his own and the two end up almost getting eliminated simultaneously, with Eddie barely hanging on. 

Three Amigos for Eddie and he climbs up for the frog splash, but Angle attempts a running suplex, only for both men to end up crotched on the top rope. Angle wears Eddie out with a sleeper, but Eddie fights back and sends Angle to the apron. They fight over a vertical suplex, which Eddie wins and eliminates Angle by suplexing him from the inside to the outside of the ring. 

Grade: A- - That was a tremendous main event for TV. It was long but never dragged and the final few minutes between Angle and Eddie were incredible. It did a great job of setting Eddie up as the next challenger for Brock, too, as he overcame the odds in a big way.

Show Grade: B - The first-class main event took up a third of the show, while the Rey/Noble match was well worth a watch, too. There were a couple of so-so mid-card bouts, yes, but, overall, this was a brilliant episode of SmackDown. It’s this kind of thing that makes me want to smack my TV.