The 10 Magical Rusev Day Traditions

Do these, and do these well; or he will find you, and he will crush you...

There are a lot of people living lies these days. There are people that merely galavant from one day to the next without a care in the world. There are people, who despite reaping the rewards from others' greatness, fail to give back.

To be honest, I'm one of these people most of the time. Back in 2011 for example, most of us in England enjoyed a bank holiday merely because Prince William and Catherine Middleton got married. I took that day off work with aplomb and used it wisely. I sat down in front of the television and watched a box set of the Royle Family with a crate of Foster's adjacent to my right hand. It's the way the day was intended to be celebrated.

However, my shortcomings of 29 April 2011 turned into a positive. On April 30, I promised myself that when a worthy contender for a bank/national holiday came around I would celebrate it, in the words of Savage Garden, to the moon and back.

Rusev Day is that day.

Undoubtedly, there are plenty of ignorant people reading this article that don't even know of the traditions that come with celebrating the day of my bae and my spirit animal. Allow me to enlighten you. And don't worry if you haven't been honouring these traditions so far. As the great man himself said on SmackDown: "There'll be many more Rusev days to come."

10. Throw A Cold Fish Called Lana As Far As You Can


This is a wonderful part of Rusev Day that all the family can enjoy. All you need to do is head down to your local supermarket, ask the person behind the fish counter to gut, and then cut the head off a big silver fish - that's right, just ask for 'the big silver one' and they'll know what you mean. Then, with your gutted, headless, big and silver fish, head for an area free of any heavy traffic or pensioners and throw it. Please, make sure you throw it with the type of anger that only surfaces when somebody you don't like anymore took the face of the person you like at the moment and rubbed it in some raw fish on national television. We've all been there, I know...

Oh, sorry, before you get to the good part you must hire a Baptist to take your gutted, headless, big and silver fish and christen it Lana. It's what Rusev would want as he showed on the 27 July 2015 episode of Raw.

A fish a day keeps Rusev your bae...

9. Tune Into MTV Classic At 6:04AM


Time waits for no man, and neither does Rusev. If you tune into MTV Classic at around 6:10am, the Rusev boat has already set sail and has left your sorry arse behind. However, if you're on time, you're in for a good time, because it's Rusev time.

It's a little-known fact but at 6:04am every day, MTV Classic plays a song called 'The Whole F'n Show' by a band called Kushinator because every day is Rusev Day and they're massive fans of the man. In an even smaller-known fact, Rusev is actually a pop star. That's right, RuRu saying his own name immediately followed by "NUMBER ONE" had a completely different meaning back in the day.

You might remember 'The Whole F'n Show' by a band called Kushinator being Rob Van Dam's TNA theme. It was great, wasn't it? Rusev appeared in the music video for it though, so it's better than you remember it because it was touched by our brute and saviour. Look up there, he's on the left if you couldn't tell.

You should find the video online somewhere. It starts with the band getting blazed on some high grade in the most BADASS manner imaginable. I can only dream of being that cool one day...

8. Row


That's row as in 'row your boat', not row as in 'look there's a row of Rusevs', or row as in 'let's have a row over who is better: Rusev or oxygen'. Just get in your boats for crying out loud!

As you should know by now, Mama Rusev is much stronger than all of the American women and to prove this she went and became a two-time World Champion at rowing. Because Rusev is such a loving family man with stronger family values than all of the American family values, he insists you celebrate Rusev Day by going for a row. It doesn't matter how, but pay your respects to the legacy of Mama Rusev by taking your boat on the lake, hopping on your rowing machine, or better still, have a nice little 'air-row'. He doesn't care, just as long as you row.

7. Pray For Babushka


Before the television is turned on to watch 'The Whole F'n Show' by a band called Kushinator on MTV Classic, every Rusev Day starts by having a moment of silent reflection for the life and times of Grandma Rusev, otherwise known as Babushka.

Babushka - a word that according to Google at least means 'an old woman' as well as Grandmother in Russian - sadly passed away on 15 November 2016 so it's only right that we start off our Rusev Day by remembering the matriarch of the Rusevs.

RIP Grandmachka.

6. Take The Day Off School Or Work - Even If You Work Weekends


This is arguably the most overlooked of all the Rusev Day traditions, but it's true. After all, you'd only be stopping Rusev himself or other Rusevs around the world from living their lives and reaching their potential. You've already reached your potential by celebrating Rusev Day if you were wondering.

Rusev explained on an episode of Raw a while ago that in Bulgaria every day is a rumble. One of the things he mentioned to prove just how hard daily life is in his native land is the fact that he would have to throw other kids off the school bus just so he could go to school. There is to be very little walking on Rusev Day. Always get on public transport when you can, even at the expense of others.

If nobody is on the school bus, Rusev and his family can grab and seat and go learn many things. The moral of this story is stay off school, kids. And since we don't go to school when we're adults, stay home from work, adults; just tell the boss it's Rusev Day and they'll understand. That logic works. Yes.

5. Have Your Pre-Rusev Day Dinner Followed By Your Rusev Day Dinner


You don't get to be as big as Rusev without eating as much as a shed full of cows. Therefore, we always have two big meals on Rusev Day prepared by Brother Rusev, who happens to be the best chef and run the best restaurant in all of Bulgaria. If you're outside of Bulgaria and can't get down to Brother Rusev's restaurant, which is the best in all of Bulgaria didn't you know, he has an Amazon store. Honest.

As you can see, Brother Rusev is busy preparing the pre-Rusev Day dinner which mainly consists of pizza - or is that just another light shade? Goodness knows... This is followed by the main event of the day, a hearty meal including Bulgarian Feta Cheese and something that closely represents Kalisto's heart.

4. Have A 357 Second Nap


Look, up there! Lana and Rusev are ecstatic at the sight of John Cena enjoying his Rusev Day nap! Just look at how much fun John is having, that could be you too!

Obviously, having two meals one after the other is going to have you fuller than Roman Reigns' nappy after another defeat to Rusev amirite?!?! Therefore, to combat the fatigue, we have a nap that lasts 357 seconds exactly. That's five minutes and fifty-five seconds, 0.0991 hours, 0.0041 days, 0.0001 months; and an even smaller number of years.

Your nap must last this long because RuRu went 357 days without losing after his main roster debut in WWE - one hell of an achievement I'm sure you will agree. My bae and yours made his WWE bow at the 2014 Royal Rumble where it took no less than four fully grown men - Kofi Kingston, CM Punk, Cody Rhodes and Seth Rollins - to eliminate him. He wouldn't appear on WWE television again until April 7 (where we start our streak from) and didn't lose a match decisively until that defeat to John Cena at WrestleMania 31. Sickner.

3. The Traditional Rusev Day Greeting


That's right, grab your fellow Rusev Day celebrator and forcibly have them kiss you on each cheek after fooling them into thinking you were going to give them a peck on the lips.

Worried they will react badly to the utter melt you've just made them look? Don't be. It's all about the smile at the end. How could anyone get mad at that smile? Rusev has the best smile.

2. Rusev's Speech


At 3pm on every single Rusev Day gather your family around the television and watch Rusev give his customary Rusev Day speech - which isn't so much of a speech, more just you sitting down to watch him RIDE INTO WRESTLEMANIA ON A FREAKING TANK IN THE BEST MANIA ENTRANCE OF ALL TIME EAT YOUR CHUFFING HEART OUT SHAWN MICHAELS!!!

So yes, sit down and watch this artistry at 3pm every day otherwise the elders in your family will frown at you like you dared not to laugh at Mrs Brown's Boys.

1. Cancel Christmas


I leave you with this sobering thought: Rusev was born on December 25, the day some of you may recognise as Christmas Day. Christmas Day - as it wouldn't have been known no matter when RuRu's birthday is but since he's born then it's doubly so - is Rusev Day. Rusev is the Baby Jesus.

Goodbye everyone and happy Rusev Day xoxo

Share this post

Jeff Hardy Plans To Return In Time For WrestleMania 34

10 Best Heel WWE Champions Of All Time

Ross Tweddell

Written by Ross Tweddell

Written and video journalist for Cultaholic Wrestling | twitter: @rossonrasslin | instagram: @rossonrasslin