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10 WWE Weddings Harry & Meghan Definitely Shouldn't Copy

There's a Royal Wedding on the horizon...

The people of Great Britain are supposed to be in celebratory mood this week as there's a Royal Wedding on the horizon. The only issue is, however, we're not. We're not getting a bank holiday and that's just wrong really...

Anyway, when it comes to weddings, much like contract signings or championship celebrations, WWE have absolutely no idea what they're doing. A pair of loved-up Superstars will appear on the company's TV shows dressed in their suits and white dresses yet things never go right. It's a shocking trend that looks like it'll never end. In the last few years, whenever a male Superstar and their bride-to-be have appeared on a show, I've wondered if they've ever seen wrestling before.

Why would you open yourselves up to that?!

I'm sure Harry and Meghan's wedding with go swimmingly this weekend. I bet he looks dashing, she looks lovely, and those sad freaks who collect porcelain with the Royals' faces on will be crying like Big Show during a Stephanie McMahon promo. I'm sure it will be a fantastic day for everyone!

Just in case the pair are in any doubt as to how to do a wedding right, here are 10 WWE weddings they definitely shouldn't be looking to copy in a few short days time...

10. Stephanie McMahon & The Undertaker


WWE


I doubt this will happen at the weekend, I really do. Last time I checked, Harry hadn't formed his own Ministry and I doubt you could so in the few short days before his big one.

Back in the day, The Undertaker and his Ministry were hellbent on taking control of WWF. To do this - or so we all thought at the time - The Deadman saw over a lot of things to try and send Mr McMahon off the deep end; one of those methods was abducting his daughter Stephanie with very bad intentions indeed.

To stop this happening, all Vince had to do was hand over power to ol' Booger... Black (?) but no, he wouldn't do it. Vin-man didn't mind seeing his daughter scared to death and potentially mentally scared on her way to being married to a demon against her will before being ritualistically sacrificed...

The Undertaker abducted Stephanie McMahon with the intention of marrying her against her will and tried to perform a ritualistic sacrifice on her...

The likes of The Big Show and Ken Shamrock tried to save Steph before Stone Cold Steve Austin would finally come to the rescue because - despite being the chairman's biggest rival - it was the right thing to do.

Go back and listen to The Undertaker say "I do." It'll make whatever protruding body parts you have crawl back up inside themselves.


9. Vickie Guerrero & Edge


WWE


I tell you what, I'd be shocked and appalled if one of Prince Harry's rivals came outta nowhere to show a video clip of Harry kissing WWE Superstar Alicia Fox at the weekend. I hope it doesn't happen, but I kind of hope it does at the same time.

Good on Edge, I guess - not for kissing Alicia of course, but because he was able to get himself in a relationship that bettered his career. It's no secret that Vickie Guerrero was favourable towards her man, screwing over many a Superstar in the process. It was this kind of behaviour that meant we were all supposed to laugh when Triple H - master of weddings in his own right - provided the WWE Universe with a shocking revelation.

Edge cheated on Vickie with their wedding planner, Alicia FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOX. Fox by name, Fox by nature I guess.

The Game played a short clip of the Rated R Superstar insulting Vick's "granny panties" to Foxy in a hotel room where he was supposed to be 'getting a massage', before he kissed the future Mrs-ish Dar and all hell suitably broke loose.

I guess the moral of this story is, if we didn't already know it by now: KEEP TRIPLE H AWAY FROM WEDDINGS!

8. Kristal & Teddy Long


WWE


Teddy Long's old tag team Doom were at ringside of this one. I doubt they'll be at the Royal Wedding this weekend, you know.

I've said it once and I'll say it a thousand times: Hornswoggle ruins everything he's involved in. This wedding is no exception.

Initially, it was songstress Jillian Hall who got in the way of proceedings, trying to prove she was better than R&B group Jagged Edge who had played just minutes prior.

Then, The Godfather made a surprise return with his hoes in tow because of the LOLZ! Dirty Old Teddy was tempted by the ladies of the night on show but managed to keep his composure WITH HIS WIFE-TO-BE looking on, refusing their advances while the rest of the congregation went off into the night...

I don't know how he did it.

Finally, Hornswoggle dived under Kristal's wedding dress for absolutely no reason before Teddy had a heart attack... I wish I was making this up but I'm not.

7. Dawn Marie & Al Wilson


WWE


This is the one moment where my mother lept up and turned off Saturday morning SmackDown on Sky One. Looking back, I can't blame her. Yes, we're on the road to Dawn Marie quite literally shagging Al Wilson to death. How bloody fantastic, eh?

Initially brought in as a side piece as Marie played mind games with Torrie Wilson, Big Al started a relationship with the former ECW star and after several weeks of torture-I-mean wholesome public affection, the pair announced they would get married live inside the blue brand's ring.

Again, I wish I was making this up but I'm not: Dawn Marie announced her intention to wed in the nude. That's right, we almost got naked Al Wilson. Thankfully - in just about the only decision of hers that I applaud - SD GM Stephanie McMahon said no, but there was a compromise.

As Dawn stripped down to her underwear, Al was forced to do the same. We saw Al's droopy Y fronts - once again, dear mother, I'm very sorry indeed.

Ultimately of course, because of those pesky LOLZ, the pair's marriage didn't last for too long because - and it's important to remember this detail because LOL - Dawn Marie shagged Torrie Wilson's real-life father to kayfabe death. Please be careful, Meghan and Harry...


6. Stephanie McMahon & Triple H


WWE


Technically, this wasn't the pair's wedding. Stephanie and Triple H's marriage went off without a hitch as Vince McMahon's little girl was drugged and passed out in the passenger's seat of a car headed for a drive-thru chapel... but she was in on the whole thing so it's ok haha...  those LOLZ, man. They get us wrestling fans into some weird situations, don't they?

Because their wedding ceremony wasn't exactly something to write home about, and because Steph was supposedly pregnant - with a child that was nothing more than a lie in an attempt to save their marriage - Mr and Mrs Game decided to renew their wedding vows on an episode of Raw.

Little did Stephanie know, but between announcing the ceremony and it actually taking place, Linda McMahon sent a tape to Triple H revealing the doctor they saw about her daughter's pregnancy was an actor. Then at the ceremony, in true babyface fashion, while renewing his wedding vows ol’ Hunter claimed that he finally saw Steph “for what you truly are… a no good lying b*tch" before leaving her at the altar.

5. Lita & Edge


WWE


Something tells me we won't see Prince Harry hitting Tombstone Piledriver on a priest on Saturday...

WWE shot themselves up into a work back in 2005, when Edge and Lita's real-life affair was brought in front of the cameras. But where in real-life, Matt Hardy was the jilted, bitter ex of Lita, in the sweet, sweet Kayfabeland Kane was filling the role - it's literally one of those soaps your parents watch several times a week.

The wedding came and so did the "we want Matt" chants from the crowd. That isn't the reason everything went sour, however, as The Big Bald Machine would rise up from under the ring, layout Edge on his big day, and then assault the aforementioned priest.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who can picture Vince McMahon in stitches at that last part.

4. Lita & Kane


WWE


Well, his big brother tried to do it, so why shouldn't Kane be allowed a dark, satanical wedding with a lack of consensuality? Since Prince William's wedding was played out in a sophisticated fashion, I expect Harry's to follow suit in a few days time. William and Harry aren't weird like The Undertaker and Kane are. I don't think we should worry.

Two nervous little people and a nervous priest oversaw this ceremony, so of course you just knew the BANTER was on its way in spades. The Big Bald Machine would call Lita his "property," Lita hoped her hubby-to-be "would rot in hell," this ceremony was too much fun, guys.

This was a wedding that took place during Kane's feud with Matt Hardy so of course 'unwoken Matt' would play the role of wedding crasher, hitting a Twist of Fate on the groom on the arena floor.

Lita and Hardy would then try to escape together, only to be blocked by a wall of fire at the top of the entrance ramp before Kane sent Matt off the stage and through a table via a Chokeslam.

The segment would end with Kane turning all Rachel Geller and 'powering through' the rest of the ceremony against Lita's will before their relationship eventually went up in flames GET IT?! Because Kane and fire and such...


3. Miss Elizabeth & 'Macho Man' Randy Savage


WWE


I hate snakes. I bet there are a few snakes at this weekend's Royal Wedding and I bet not a single of them are reptile.

The wedding of the Macho Man and Miss Elizabeth went down in the history books for all the right reasons. There are no complaints here as I sit and type to you through a wall of joyful tears - I've just watched it again and once again it got me.

The reception, however - now we're suffering some Sir Alex Ferguson squeaky bum time. The event was hosted by 'Mean' Gene Okerlund and hit all of the saxophone-flavoured notes you would expect anything by WWE in the early nineties to hit. We saw the first dance, we saw the cutting of the cake, and we saw the bouquet fly as everything was going to plan.

Even Mr and Mrs Madness' packages appeared to be fine, they contained some lovely shiny things. Further down the line though, Liz was greeted by a bloody whopping snake and a small part of me has run away just thinking about it. Harrowing. Jake 'The Snake' Roberts and The Undertaker then arrived, with The Deadman striking Randy upside the head with his urn, while Jake got in the face of Liz with yet another slithering serpent.

Luckily, Sid Justice arrived and saved the day but little did wrestling fans know that the bar had been set pretty high for wrestling weddings going all kinds of Pete Tong, going forward.

2. Billy & Chuck


WWE


WWE received all kinds of acclaim for the way they handed Billy and Chuck's commitment ceremony apparently, so good for them.

Ultimately, however, after looking more and more uneasy as the ceremony went on, both men would back out and reveal their supposed relationship - that had been hinted at for months but never overtly confirmed - was a publicity stunt orchestrated by their manager, Rico.

Shocking then turned into downright bizarre as The Godfather and his "good time girls" got involved in yet another WWE wedding, before the minister who had been officiating the ceremony peeled off his face to reveal Raw GM Eric Bischoff. Honestly, Eric deserves an Oscar for his role, even if when looking back his voice gives the game away no end.

3-Minute Warning would then arrive to complete the madness, delivering a Samoan Drop to Stephanie McMahon in the process.

1. AJ Lee & Daniel Bryan


WWE


JBL handing out a dosage of rigor mortis to Heath Slater wasn't the only memorable moment from Raw 1000 as 'The Doctor of Style', Slick officiated an utter catastrophe involving the darling of all our hearts, Daniel Bryan, and the darling of his kayfabe heart, AJ Lee.

Dressed in the purest white, everything looked to be going swimmingly for the pair. Despite the crowd replying with viscous "NO!" chants to their "YES!" jibes, the nuptials were complete and I'm sure their minds were already on the plane to their honeymoon.

However, Bryan misunderstood what AJ actually meant by saying "yes." She was accepting the GM position on Raw, not the keys to his proverbial kingdom.

Needless to say after being humiliated in front of the world and left standing at the altar, Daniel went mental and trashed anything he could find. To make things worse for the future People's Champion, OG-PC The Rock came down the layeth the Smacketh Down all over his candy ass.

Poor Daniel...

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Ross Tweddell

Written by Ross Tweddell

Editor-in-chief of Cultaholic.com and presenter on the Cultaholic Wrestling YouTube channel. Email: [email protected]