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10 WWE Gimmicks Ruined By Changing One Letter

That's gotta be Kale!

When it comes to gimmicks in WWE, we've seen it all by now. Just sit back and think about a gimmick that could be brought in today that we've never, ever seen before that the company could actually use with the obvious restrictions placed on them by sponsors and whatnot. You can't, can you? (Unless you're a very creative person in which case please send your CV to WWE right now because I think we need fresh gimmicks to spruce the weekly shows up a bit.)

The very concept of the gimmick provides us with a pretty horrible commentary on the professional wrestling business when you think about it, as the Superstars we know and love place their respective fates in the hands of people with a pencil. I don't think Mike Halac grew up wanting to become Mantaur; I don't think Paul Diamond dreamt of being dressed up in whatever you would call Max Moon's attire when he started out on his journey to become a professional wrestler.

These Superstars had their careers blighted by a horrible gimmick, so let's show 10 Superstars from today's roster what could have been if those people with the pencils changed one of the letters in their name...

10. Meth Rollins


WWE


I've got to admit, I was going to make custom imagery for this article then arrived here and... yeah... it would have been a tad tasteless, wouldn't it?

Gimmicks are often passed down from generation to generation and this one wouldn't have been any different. We've seen Waylon Mercy become Bray Wyatt, Doink The Clown become Byron Saxton, and here we could have seen the Raven's Flock version of Kidman become Meth Rollins.

Back in the 1990s, Kidman played the role of a heroin addict with a finishing move called the Seven Year Itch. Replace heroin with crystal meth, and you have Meth Rollins.

Breaking Bad was a massive show when Tyler Black was signed to WWE back in 2012, so it makes sense... I know what I said.


9. The Big Log, Roman Reigns


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To this day I'm not too sure what makes Roman Reigns "The Big Dog" Michael Cole loves shouting about at the top of his lungs. While Roman has enjoyed a great deal of success working under his famed nickname, I can't help but think that he would achieve even more if he was to embody a Big Log.

As we all know, every single Reigns match sees him take one hell of a beating where he endures 10 of his opponent's finishing move before he comes roaring back for a big win. Well, sandbagging is a thing in professional wrestling, so if Reigns just pretended to be a massive log and sandbagged his opponents, he wouldn't take half the beatings that he does.

Be a log, and pounce when they're least expecting. That's The Big Log way.

8. Ember Moan


WWE


Less war goddess, more ITV lunchtime show Loose Women panel member or Bret Hart tribute act... you decide.

Thinking about it, this has the potential to be the biggest gimmick we've ever seen as it's something every single person reading this article can relate to (you know, since professional wrestling fans love to moan and all that).

To get her material, all Ember would have to do is log onto Twitter or Reddit and she'd be sorted, picking the tweets and status with the most retweets and upvotes to speak the words the world is saying online.

Thinking about it some more - why isn't anybody doing this now? They'd be the biggest babyface since Daniel Bryan.

7. Big D


WWE


Who knows, this gimmick might already be true...

We live in a world of professional wrestling where we have a man with a powerful dick, and who knows, Big E could have been the man with the biggest if the powers that be picked one letter up from the one he currently has as his second name. That's if the 'D' here is actually referring to a dick. Am I being too presumptuous?

I don't really want to think about how this could be incorporated into matches, storylines, and everything else we see on WWE TV. I'll let you all do that for yourselves in the comfort of your own bedrooms when your parents aren't home...


6. The Undertoker


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We could also have had The Underbaker here, which I guess is who The Undertoker would go to see after he's finished having a toke on some high-grade shrubbery.

Essentially, The Undertoker is the most devilish weed smoker you've ever seen. Imagine, he wouldn't even need that massive pair of bat wings to get that high because he'd be that high all of the time. Plus, if the real Undertaker assumed the gimmick of The Undertoker when he was starting out in WWE back in 1990, he wouldn't have had to invest in that makeup to make himself look all pale and dead. I've seen TV and the films, everyone who smokes weed looks pale and dead anyway.

Vince, Pat and Bruce definitely missed a trick here I feel...

5. Triple K


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Imagine Triple H - and I'm going to copy this from Wikipedia just to make sure I get it right - that "advocates extremist reactionary positions such as white supremacy, white nationalism, anti-immigration and—especially in later iterations—Nordicism and anti-Catholicism."

Hey, we saw and pimp and a pornstar in WWF in the late 90s when Triple H was emerging as the main eventer we all became accustomed to, nothing was off the table back then.

There's just something about this gimmick that makes me think the sponsors wouldn't go for it...

4. Lean Ambrose


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Some may argue that Dean Ambrose was portraying the gimmick of Lean Ambrose for the first six-or-so years of his WWE career after he returned not so long ago looking like he'd eaten the old version of himself to become SWOLE.

A lunatic fringe is defined as "an extreme or eccentric minority within society or a group" - and I guess Dean could keep his moniker as he'd be looking to eat no carbs or bad fats while living in a CrossFit gym... that's still extreme to me, a man who eats Burger King for breakfast.


3. The Jiz


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He came to play, you know...

I've left this one until the last page you see because quite frankly, I'm ashamed. It's hard (stop it!) coming up with these things and I was all out of ideas. I'm so sorry. I'm really, really sorry. I'd really like to know the backstory to the image above as well. Why has he shaved an 'M' into his chest like a child? Somebody, please let me know.

Anyway, you know what "jizz" means, so I don't really feel like saying anything else on the matter. Let's move on with all of our lives.

2. Kale


WWE


Picture the scene, Badd Blood 1997, Shawn Michaels and Undertaker inside Hell in a Cell, the lights go out, the organ plays, the fire goes off, a large green man in a mask appears, Vince McMahon lets out the immortal cry of: "THAT'S GOTTA BE KALE!"

This one writes itself really. Kale is the Devil's Favourite Vegan, The Big Green Leaf Cabbage. Instead of producing lightning from his fingertips and summoning fire from some ungodly places, he uses his mystical powers to plant kale and make the WWE Universe a healthier place.

There are actually a lot of similarities between Kale and Kane. For example, Kane's body is really dense, while Kale is one of the most nutrient-dense foods you can eat with its 684% of vitamin K, 134% of vitamin C, 206% of Vitamin A plus iron, folate, omega-3s, magnesium, calcium, iron, fiber, and 2 grams of protein.

1. The Saddest Woman On The Planet, Honda Rousey


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She's sad because she has a Honda... sorry Honda, I'm just not a fan of your cars.

Yes, we're ending with a double whammy of a gimmick ruining, with the Baddest Woman on the Planet falling on hard times after receiving a Honda as a birthday present or something... imagine the sponsorship opportunities for WWE here with every other car manufacturer in the world apart from Honda. It just makes great business sense, doesn't it?

I apologise wholeheartedly for wasting your time with this utterly pointless list. Have a lovely day.

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Ross Tweddell

Written by Ross Tweddell

Presenter over on the Cultaholic Wrestling YouTube channel. Email: [email protected]