10 WWE Superstars Who Could Teach Enzo Amore How To Release A Banger

Real1's 'Phoenix' couldn't lace these songs' boots, if they wore any...

"And you can't teach that," he used to tell us on the weekly... That's right, I'm sure you've all heard by now that Enzo Amore and his 'consensual penis' released a song where the former WWE Cruiserweight Champion hits back at the lady who accused him of rape earlier in the year.

I must preface this article by making it abundantly clear that I know absolutely nothing about music. My favourite bands include the likes of early noughties pop sensation A1, Babymetal, and Oasis, while Vinnie Jones' album 'Respect' is probably my favourite of all time.

There are people who believe Enzo's song is indeed, a banger. Music is subjective, I get that. But BLOODY HELL ENZO'S SONG IS HORRIBLE. I guess the message in the lyrics is more important than the way it sounds as a song, but my toes weren't even remotely interested in getting-a-tapping during the course of listening to it and that's just unforgivable. I feel the only reason it was #1 on YouTube's trending page earlier this week is down to the same kind of intrigue humans experience when they visit zoos.

Enzo isn't the first and certainly won't be the last WWE Superstar to try his hand at producing some 'music'. Here are 10 of his wrestling compadres who could teach him a thing or two about releasing a banger...

(As you would expect, by knowing nothing about music I haven't provided much in the way of a commentary on any of the following tunes. Simply hit play, sit back, and let the good times roll!)

10. Terry Funk


Terry wrestled for WWE over three different spells, before you start!

I need to see Terry Funk present the news and walk out to this song. Funk at Five, it should be called, and Tez - that's that his pals call him and I know this because I'm one of them - should wear a red suit with a yellow tie and a white cowboy hat.

I implore all of your to go and listen to the full Great Texan album immediately. For my money, it's the best album ever released by a person who would call professional wrestling their primary trade. It's eight songs of gold that would take any ditty from this new era of music - Babymetal aside, of course - and pull its metaphorical pants down.

Rumours have it that Great Texan debuted atop some form of musical chart back in 1984 - although what musical chart that is I'm not quite sure. Whatever the weather, it's a rollercoaster of an album that you deserve to listen to - because you're great.

9. The Rock


I want you to pretend for the purposes of this list that The Rock wrote this song and deliberately had himself play a bit part role. You're probably wondering how I can give The Great One any modicum of credit for creating 'It Doesn't Matter', so let me tell you: he's The Rock. Simples. (Or, you could just accept Rocky shouting 'IT DOESN'T MATTER' over and over again is awesome, and move on with your life. It's enough to leave me smiling and satisfied at least.)

Back in 2000, The People's Champion collaborated with Wyclef Jean and Melky Sedeck to release this song, which appeared as the first single released from Wyclef's second studio album, The Ecleftic: 2 Sides II a Book - so it must be good if it arrived first. First is always the best.

8. Chris Jericho



It's the song that took over some of our lives in 2017. You looked one way, it was being used as NXT TakeOver: Chicago's theme, you looked the other, Y2J was pimping it out at the start of his podcasts, while a third way saw it being used at WrestleKindom 12 (I know that happened in 2018, but I was still hungover from new year's on 4 January so it still felt like 2017 to me) ahead of Jericho's match with Kenny Omega.

In all fairness to Fozzy - who don't half take some flack from certain quarters, by the way - this an unadulterated banger. This is proven by the success it enjoyed, peaking at number five on the way to spending 26 weeks on the Mainstream Rock chart, while also hitting number one in the Sirius/XM Octane charts.

I still prefer 'Enemy' but that's beside the point.

7. 'Macho Man' Randy Savage


So bad, it's fantastic! 50 Cent was hyping this thing, although it's not public knowledge just how many BILLIONS he was paid to do so.

The late, great Macho King himself would release Be A Man in 2003, recording the 14-track album sometime between his WCW run ending, and his underwhelming TNA stint starting.

Selling roughly 3000 copies, Savage would sing about beating people up, partying, and last but not least, how weird it was for people to hear a rapping wrestler - don't forget this was released in 2003 when a certain Dr of Thuganomics was hitting his stride.

The main talking point from the album was, of course, the song The Madness dedicated to his good friend, Hulk Hogan. The title track of the album would call The Hulkster out to 'be a man', label him a coward, and categorise his wrestling and acting skills as trash. Hot diggity dam! (that's an actual lyric in the song. I'm not kidding)

6. Hulk Hogan


This entry has a big old asterisk next to it for obvious reasons. 

However, DO NOT scratch your eyes or your ears. This is a thing that actually happened. Hulk Hogan performed Leader of the Gang in a fashion that had me believe I was listening to a parody of the banished WWE legend. The Hulkster provides a lyrical performance that sounds like its coming from a man providing the most stereotypical Hogan impression ever. Better still, in the video - which was actually aired on MTV by the looks of things - Hulk's entourage seems to consist of a couple of The Village People and a bloke in a cow mask...

This version of Leader of the Gang was released by comedy music group Green Jellÿ in 1993, and scored them a top 40 hit in the UK somehow... the '90s was a weird time.

5. Jeff Hardy



Tell me this isn't a banger and I'll tell you that you're a liar. I can't wait for WWE turn embrace the Brother Nero schtick in a year or so and have him come out to this theme! *crosses fingers*

Hardy's band, PeroxWhy?gen, was formed by the Charismatic Enigma and his South Carolina pal Shannon Moore - known to certain WWE fans as Matt Hardy's follower and number one MF'er. Aye, that Shannon Moore. Did you know the name of the band came about when Jeff was looking at a can of aerosol and the word 'peroxide' caught his eye, which in turn saw him combine it with oxygen? Well, you do now.

Say what you will about PeroxWhy?gen and their brand of music, but this song is a banger!

4. Zack Ryder



If this sort of thing isn't right up your alley then please, get out of my face. Pick any cheesy era from music's past, insert this banger into it, and let the cringe carry you away to a euphoric haven.

What more could you possibly want from a song? There's cheese, there's beer, there's a romantic beach walk, and most importantly of all, there are up-the-crotch elevator camera shots. That has to be considered a full house in anyone's book!

On 5 February 2013, "Hoeski" peaked at No. 92 on the iTunes Pop Music chart. I'm not lying. This is a thing that actually happened and now you know why Zack Ryder has a cult following within the WWE Universe. Why didn't they capitalise on this?!

3. John Cena




This one featured Bumpy Knuckles. I have no idea who Bumpy Knuckles is, but good for him.

Bad, Bad Man appeared on Cena's 2005 You Can't See Me album, headlined by what is still his WWE entrance theme. Initially, the album did rather well by the sounds of things. I'm not too sure if this is anything to write home about, but it debuted at number 15 on the Billboard 200 charts, with over 40,000 copies sold in the first week of its release.

While flopping in the UK, You Can't See Me is officially a platinum record, selling over 1.3 million units as of October 2010. As for BBM, that would get some TV airtime in a couple of adverts, firstly for FOX's The Shield, and then for Seth Rogan's Observe and Report.

I genuinely believe Bad, Bad Man is a good song. The chorus especially gets my toes-a-tapping, while the music video is a gem with Cena becoming one of the A-Team. It's even got Gary Coleman in it! What fun!

2. Lilian Garcia



It doesn't matter - isn't that right, Rocky and Wyclef Jean? - what anybody says, anything involving Lilian Garcia and singing is always going to go down well with me. I'm not even remotely American, but every single time she would belt out the national anthem before a WWE show, an ostrich egg-sized lump would appear in my throat.

Lilian's singing prowess has been utilised various times by WWE, as well they should because she's fantastic. The former ring announcer appeared on the company's Anthology and Originals albums, as well as releasing a song of her own in 2012 called My Time.

It's her cover of Whitney Housten's I Will Always Love You that makes the cut here because A) it's an absolutely stinking banger, and B) this is an emotional tribute from Lilian to one of her musical inspirations.

1. Vince McMahon


Released as part of Piledriver: The Wrestling Album II (so it counts, right?!) this is a song that deserves to be on every single musical album released ever. Never has something encapsulated all the things that were so great about the cocaine-fuelled 1980s while showcasing all that was so horrible about the cocaine-fuelled 1980s.

I would love for Vince McMahon to be my boss. Not because I have hopes and dreams of being a WWE Superstar, far from it. It's because I'd love to work for a man who wouldn't ask you to do something that he wouldn't do himself - that's the kind of boss you want to work for. Case in point, this video.

I know WWE have poked fun at this more times than you've poked that person you really like on Facebook, but still, it's an exhilarating few minutes that refuses to get old. Vince McMahon is the most wonderfully weird boss. Pass it on.

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Written by Ross Tweddell

Presenter over on the Cultaholic Wrestling YouTube channel. Email: [email protected]