Vince McMahon recently celebrated his birthday and I hope he had a bloody good time. I can’t be the only who believes Vince doesn’t celebrate birthdays these days, because first of all, he sees age as a sign of weakness – part-time world champions aside, of course – and because he’s immortal and knows he has an infinite amount to come.
Nevertheless, we all know that Vince McMahon is a creature of mythical proportions ranking alongside the likes of the Loch Ness Monster, Bigfoot, and Hade Vansen… ok, maybe not as big a myth as Hade Vansen, but you know what I mean.
I’m sure we’ve all heard the stories about Vince sleeping way too little, believing that sneezes are a sign of weakness in a person, and that he didn’t know what a burrito was even though he’d been eating what he described as ‘meat wraps’ for a long old time. I just want to know them all. I’m sure there’s got to be hundreds of things we don’t know about Vince McMahon that are completely unique to him. If he ever dies, there needs to be a Vincent Kennedy McMahon museum opened somewhere.
Arguably the biggest heel the professional wrestling business has ever seen, kayfabe Vince McMahon is one of, if not the most captivating characters WWE has ever showcased on their shows. He’s been through some really outrageous moments over the past two decades, and here’s 10 of them – not including the Kiss My Ass Club, because there’s no doubt that certain millennials reading this list believe that sort of behaviour is absolutely normal.
10. That Time He Pulled Jim Ross’ Head Out Of Jim Ross’ Arse
There’s bad taste, and then there’s this. The story goes that Jim Ross had to have real-life colon surgery which meant that he needed to take some time away from work. The storyline explanation for Ross’ absence was due to being fired by Linda McMahon – in reality, WWE apparently tried to hire UFC’s Mike Goldberg to replace JR. That failed, and after a spell with Joey Styles at the helm, Jim took his spot back behind the announcers’ table when he was healthy again.
Normally when an employee of any company has to take time away from work, their colleagues rally around them and try to make them feel just a little bit better. Not in 2005 WWE, as just two weeks after Ross’ kayfabe firing, Vince McMahon brought us the gift of Dr. Hiney, and his assistant, Nurse Slobberknockers.
All your favourites came out in this segment, as Hiney’s ‘crack’ team performed a colonoscopy on Ross. As soundbites of Jim’s commentary played in reaction to whatever Hiney was saying, a whole host of things were removed from the buttocks, including: BBQ sauce, an American football, an owl, Mae Young’s other hand, a goldfish in a bag, an OU football helmet, a Stone Cold collector’s cup, and finally, the piece de resistance, a prosthetic Jim Ross head.
“JR we’ve solved the problem. You’ve had your head up your ass!”